Jan. 1 - Seeking to end skyrocketing malpractice rates, Maryland physicians march on Annapolis, offering to provide delegates with free brain surgery.

Fresh from their new operations, Maryland lawmakers pass a tax on flushing the toilet.

Jan. 3 - Williamsport Councilman James McCleaf announces he will run for mayor under the platform of "Let's see if we can get through one meeting without gunfire."

Scandal breaks out in Annapolis when a female lawmaker is accused of trading her vote for malpractice reform in exchange for a new set of breasts. Meanwhile, West Virginia lawmakers report that they are in the unusual but welcome circumstance of having a $23 million budget surplus.

Jan. 5 - A Hagerstown man is arrested after taking off his pants at Wal-Mart.

West Virginia lawmakers spend their budget surplus on a new set of furniture for the capitol building's front porch.

Jan. 19 - Promising better roads, water and sewer systems and promising to lower the taxes that would pay for them, a team of six Republican candidates announces its candidacy for Hagerstown City Hall.

The Washington County Commissioners extend an ongoing building moratorium that was passed in 2002 in response to a spell of dry weather.

A Hagerstown woman is arrested after failing to wear stretch pants at Wal-Mart.

Jan. 20 - The Washington County Commissioners ask state lawmakers to approve a plan that would allow them to raise their own salaries without making it look to the public like they were raising their own salaries.

With a number of crucial issues on the horizon, Hagerstown City Council members roll up their sleeves and get down to the difficult issue of deciding whether a field at Fairgrounds Park should be used for baseball or softball.

Jan. 21 - GST AutoLeather announces it will close its Williamsport tannery operations, spelling the loss of 3,000 cows to Mexico.

In Hagerstown, the baseball vs. softball wars heat up, when Councilwoman Penny Nigh accuses state Del. LeRoy Myers of inappropriately trying to influence the debate.

The county commissioners ask for legislation to make it look to the public like it hasn't been raining for the past two years.

Jan. 24 - In Hagerstown, 20 candidates line up to file for City Council under the unifying slogan of "How Could It Be Worse?"

A Martinsburg, W.Va., city councilman is arrested and charged with distributing narcotic patches and grabbing a police informant by the ears, leading Hagerstown council members to have T-Shirts printed up saying "That's How."

Jan. 25 - After much anticipation, the University System of Maryland welcomes its first students to the new downtown Hagerstown campus.

State and federal politicians respond decisively to the announced closure of GST AutoLeather by hiding under their desks and hoping no one will call on them to do anything.

Feb. 2 - Due to extreme shortages of vaccine, Maryland health officials announce that the only people eligible for flu shots will be those older than 65 or younger than 23 months.

Penny Nigh accuses LeRoy Myers of having an opinion.

Feb. 4 - Maryland health officials announce that flu shots will be limited to those who have yet to be born or are already dead.

Feb. 5 - In the annual State of the County address, Commissioners President Greg Snook says Washington County growth is "under control."

Feb. 20 - The ballfield wars enter their final phase when the Hagerstown City Council votes 4-1 in favor of softball. In a candidate profile, Penny Nigh calls this the greatest failure of her time in government.

Following the announcement that Fleetwood Travel Trailers will close its Hancock plant, idling 289 workers, Commissioners President Greg Snook announces that Washington County job growth is under control.

Feb. 21 - New state property tax assessments for Washington County skyrocket 36 percent, prompting Commissioners President Greg Snook to announce that disposable income growth is under control.

March 2 - Shunning his given name, a candidate for Mayor of Hagerstown files for office using his AOL screen name, "Charlie Baker."

To promote better communication, a Boonsboro group pushes the idea of a countywide council of governments, prompting the County Commissioners to say, "Washington County has other governments?"

March 3 - Candidates for Williamsport Town Council agree there is one major issue facing their town: Skateboarding.

Three more candidates file for Mayor of Hagerstown, including "Oh4Cool," SpockizGR8T" and "HunEthiiz."

March 7 - Hagerstown police warn residents to be on the lookout for members of the feared gang MS-13.

In Williamsport, James McCleaf defeats John Slayman for mayor after sticking a 360 ollie grab with major air on the half pipe.

March 11 - Proving the Washington County Commissioners' contention that there is no need for better communication in local government, the commissioners get into a spat with local lawmakers over excise taxes and property tax reappraisal.

March 16 - In remarks that will be funny six months down the road, Mayor Breichner, in his State of the City address, says Hagerstown is entering a new era of partnership and cooperation.

Two Republican candidates for mayor get down to the issues affecting the city, with Dick Trump calling Bob Bruchey a sell-out and Bruchey calling Trump a stutterer.

March 24 - The Hagerstown Ice and Sports Complex fires its skating coaches after announcing the rink is headed in a "new direction" that apparently does not involve ice skating.

Rhetoric heats up over the fight to locate a new hospital at Robinwood, with the Hagerstown City Council accusing hospital officials of being members of EMS-13.

March 25 - After losing to Dick Trump in the Republican primary, Bob Bruchey files a write-in candidacy for mayor under the screen name "bitR."

A Hagerstown newspaper columnist considers making a PMS-13 joke, but backs off for fear it will never make it into print.

April 2 - Mount Aetna residents describe as a "no-brainer" the Washington County Planning Commission's rejection of a quarry expansion into a residential area.

April 12 - The Washington County Commissioners extend their building moratorium yet again despite the objections of Commissioner John Munson, who, when asked how the resulting school overcrowding issue should be addressed, says "I don't give a damn."

Saying the rink is headed in a new direction, the Hagerstown Ice and Sports Complex sets the thermostat to 78.

April 14 - According to newly released Census figures, Washington County's growth rate outpaced all but four other Maryland jurisdictions in 2004, demonstrating the effectiveness of the county's building moratorium.

April 20 - Passenger flights will continue at Hagerstown Regional Airport, after the Federal Aviation Administration agrees with a county appeal that Dulles International airport is eight miles farther from Hagerstown than it is.

Affirming that "brains are under control in Washington County," the commissioners indicate they will reverse a planning commission decision and allow a quarry to expand into a residential area.

April 20 - Washington County Commissioner Bill Wivell calls for a congressional investigation after the PenMar Development Corp. finally finds a use for the former Fort Ritchie Army base.

April 25 - Williamsport French teacher Paula Moore is named Washington County Public Schools Teacher of the Year. Disgruntled local residents are appeased when the board reclassifies her position from "French teacher" to "Freedom teacher."

The Federal Aviation Administration rules that the earth is flat.

April 30 - A railroad museum opens in Hagerstown.

May 1 - Saying it is a dishonor to veterans, Hagerstonians object to renaming Memorial Boulevard "Willie Mays Way."

After a bruising primary campaign of name-calling and mud slinging, Republican mayoral nominee Dick Trump seeks to elevate the level of discourse by borrowing the catchphrase "Git 'r done" from Larry the Cable Guy.

May 7 - For the second time in less than a week, an alligator is discovered along the Potomac River in Williamsport.

Saying it is a dishonor to municipalities, Hagerstonians object to renaming Municipal Stadium "Willie Mays Stadium."

May 8 - A team of investors unveils plans to build a gambling casino next to the Gettysburg Civil War battlefield.

After being accused of dirty campaign tricks, Dick Trump unveils his new campaign slogan, "Well excuuuuuuse me."

May 14 - A new round of U.S. military-base reshuffling is announced, with Letterkenny awarded 409 new jobs and expansion planned for the 167th Airlift Wing in Martinsburg. Meanwhile, at Washington County's former Fort Ritchie, PenMar Development Corp. debates whether to lease the base chapel to the Baptists.

Hagerstonians criticize Willie Mays' parents for naming him Willie Mays.

May 16 - Forced to buy into the John "I Don't Give A Damn" Munson theory of classroom overcrowding, Washington County Schools announce they will have to spend $5.5 million on temporary classroom trailers.

A team of investors unveils a plan to put a waterslide on Little Roundtop.

May 17 - Hagerstonians take time out from criticizing Willie Mays to elect five Democrats to council, but for mayor choose Republican Dick Trump, who immediately changes his slogan to "Dy-no-mite!"

The medical community scores a major win in the contentious new-hospital debate, after the Maryland Health Care Commission rules that Washington County Hospital is slightly less annoying than the Hagerstown City Council.

May 25 - NBC television says it is looking to Hagerstown for contestants in its reality show "Fear Factor."

In the space of one week, Hagerstown elects its first African-American city council member, ESPN airs a broadcast accusing Hagerstonians of racism, the KKK announces plans for a rally in Boonsboro and the Hagerstown Suns hint that Magic Johnson might become an investor in Hagerstown revitalization.

Putting Williamsport residents at ease, Greg Snook announces that alligators are under control in Washington County.

May 30 - Washington County Republican Central Committee Chairman Richard Hugg says he "hopes and expects" Hagerstown's new Democratic council and Republican mayor will get along.

ESPN airs a followup broadcast, saying that Hagerstown isn't racist, it's merely psychotic. In other network news, "Fear Factor" withdraws its interest in Hagerstown, saying the city lacks dignity.

May 31 - New Hagerstown Mayor Dick Trump chairs his first council meeting, saying that in Hagerstown government, "God will be a major player for the next four years."

A museum and learning center for kids opens in Hagerstown.

June 1 - In a first meeting together, the new mayor and council agree to set aside their differences and work for the betterment of Hagerstown, a pledge that lasts for about 30 seconds when Mayor Dick Trump spends his first meeting bickering with Council members Penny Nigh and Kelly Cromer over staffing.

Richard Hugg issues a statement saying, "I said 'hope.'"

June 3 - A Chambersburg judge sternly admonishes 70 Chambersburg High School students for dragging their classmates through hog slop, saying, "Who do you think you are, the Hagerstown City Council?"

Williamsport is attacked by a woolly mammoth.

June 8 - In a move that is bound to be praised by Hagerstonians, the Washington County Board of Education announces that 10 teaching positions will be filled by foreigners this fall.

The Ku Klux Klan calls off a planned rally, saying it fears Washington County will soil its reputation.

June 13 - The Williamsport Town Council closes a budget gap by raising sewer rates, hiking the cost of trash collection and, ominously, canceling its alligator abatement program.

Hagerstonians' alarm increases when the school board admits that by "foreigners" it did not mean "Frederick County residents."

June 21 - The Washington County Commissioners are accused of rushing through a new zoning plan, which has only been sitting unpassed on their desk for three years. Greg Snook notes that expediency is under control in Washington County.

A museum of aviation opens in Hagerstown.

July 3 - Angry Hagerstonians march on the school board, demanding to know if one of the "foreign" teachers will be Willie Mays.

July 11 - The Broadfording Road bridge, which was closed for repairs in 2003 and then briefly reopened, is closed again so Washington County can repair the repairs.

July 13 - After three years and four growth-moratorium extensions, the Washington County Commissioners finally pass new county zoning laws.

July 14 - In celebration of the county's new growth-management laws, a developer proposes a 1,267-home development near Williamsport.

The Washington County school board announces that 10 new teaching positions will be filled by space aliens.

July 16 - City Council members Penny Nigh and Kelly Cromer censure Mayor Dick Trump, after he orders Post-It notes without their knowledge.

July 17 - The James Rumsey bridge at Shepherdstown, W.Va., is opened for traffic, meaning it took West Virginia less time to build a new bridge across the Potomac River than it took Washington County to repair an old one across the Conococheague Creek.

July 18 - Washington County Schools announce that eight of their new foreign teachers will hail from Australia.

Dick Trump changes his screen name to "hNpkt."

July 19 - Over the objections of city residents, a long line forms for a Hagerstown Suns giveaway of Willie Mays Bobblehead dolls. "But don't they understand," one confused resident says, "he wasn't from around here."

Hagerstown parents ask the school board if this means their children are going to have to learn to speak Australian.

July 19 - Action heats up at City Hall, when council member Kelly Cromer accuses Mayor Dick Trump of "lying to the public" and adding that "accountability and integrity are two words he knows nothing about." Trump responds by changing his campaign slogan to "D'oh."

July 24 - Washington County Hospital announces a $7.5 million profit for 2004, mostly attributable to increasing patient fees and placing large bets on the city council to do something stupid.

A museum of museums opens in Hagerstown.

Aug. 1 - The Washington County Commissioners approve a new policy that will require fire and rescue companies to submit their books to the county for audits.

Aug. 3 - Following a city council decision to wash its hands of the project, the county commissioners elevate the new hospital to "fast track" status.

Aug. 5 - A Frederick group called "Maryland Dairy Shrine Inc." approaches the Washington County Commissioners to build a "dairy shrine and museum" off Sharpsburg Pike.

Celebration at the corporate offices of Washington County Hospital dies down quickly when executives learn that other "fast track" county projects have included the zoning ordinance and the Broadfording bridge.

Fire and rescue companies tell the county commissioners, "What do you mean, 'books'?"

Aug. 11 - The Washington County Commissioners say they are considering moving their offices out of downtown Hagerstown.

An angered Wisconsin responds to the Hagerstown dairy shrine by announcing plans for a Mack, Fairchild and Slippery Pot Pie Shrine in Chippewa Falls.

Aug. 12 - Washington County Schools Superintendent Elizabeth Morgan attributes $238,000 in teacher pay raises to a "mistake."

Mayor Dick Trump says if the Washington County Commissioners move out of Hagerstown, Hagerstown will move out of Washington County.

Aug. 31 - City Council members discuss plans to take a bus tour of Hagerstown.

Hagerstown opens a Green Bay Packers museum.

Sept. 1 - Commissioners President Greg Snook offers to place the ashes of a convicted killer in his pet cemetery

Madison, Wis., opens a "Walking Down Franklin Street in a Hooded Sweatshirt and Talking to Yourself" museum.

Sept. 3 - The County Commissioners say a portion of the new runway project out at the airport will cost an additional $6 million more in interest payments alone than was originally thought.

The community reacts with concern to a plan to sell the Maryland Theatre, for fear the new owners might be tempted to book only predictable performances of limited appeal, as opposed to the way the theater operates now.

Sept. 9 - The median home price in Washington County skyrockets to $240,000, which is a severe blow to Wisconsin, which had been planning an Our Housing is Cheaper than Montgomery County's museum.

Sept. 10 - To prop up unprofitable air service in Hagerstown, the federal government gives U.S. Airways a $650,000 subsidy.

Due to an "administrative mistake," the Washington County School Board gives teachers Sundays off.

Sept 15 - A Sharpsburg committee reports that it is making progress on the new Antietam Rail Museum west of town.

A new, federal aviation study concludes it would be cheaper to rent a private jet for passengers at Washington County airport.

Sept. 13 - PenMar offers to open Fort Ritchie to displaced victims of Hurricane Katrina.

The Funkstown Town Council votes to give $500 to the Red Cross to start a Museum of Blood in New Orleans.

Sept. 14 - Due to a lack of classroom space, a major housing development off Sharpsburg Pike is halted over the objection of Commissioner John Munson, who suggests the children could be used as sharecroppers.

Displaced Katrina victims tell PenMar that, all things considered, they'd rather be in New Orleans.

Sept. 18 - Council member Lew Metzner storms out of a city council meeting after he and Mayor Dick Trump take turns saying "You're out of order" and "No, you're out of order."

Sept. 28 - Angry with outspoken Mayor Dick Trump, council members consider appointing a panel to review the mayor's powers. The council also sends the mayor a public letter of censure, causing Trump to agree to a lengthy newspaper interview, in which he says he will gladly be more conciliatory, so long as "the council bends to my will like a willow in the wind."

Sept. 29 - Local elected officials summarily dismiss the recommendations of a county task force on affordable housing, because none of the proposed solutions involve a new museum.

The mood isn't as light as it used to be down at the pet cemetery, after Greg Snook offers to accept the ashes of Hagerstown's dignity.

Drug charges against a New York City man are dropped after he tells a Washington County judge he was simply trying to open a Museum of Crack.

Oct. 3 - A Catholic priest in Halfway gains attention for extending his blessings to pets, including pigs, rats and snakes.

City Council members place Mayor Dick Trump on "double secret probation."

Oct. 5 - Trouble continues at City Hall, when council members Penny Nigh and Kelly Cromer say they are "very disgruntled" at the cost to taxpayers of a council bus tour of the city.

Williamsport opens a museum of alligators.

Oct. 13 - Hagerstown Police close a popular Dual Highway nightclub, after reporting that it is one of the top local sources of fistfights and violence, second only to the Hagerstown City Council.

Oct. 19 - The Hagerstown Ice and Sports Complex proudly announces that it is finally operating in the black - if you include the subsidy it gets from City Hall.

Citing his "standards," a Halfway priest refuses to bless City Hall.

Oct. 15 - The Hagerstown City Council's tour of the city gets under way, but council members Penny Nigh and Kelly Cromer refuse to board the bus, choosing to ride behind it in a car and keep in touch with the main group by cell phone.

Oct. 16 - Hagerstown police announce that a West End stabbing was not connected to the notorious MS-13 gang.

Hagerstown Mayor Dick Trump denies that Penny Nigh and Kelly Cromer's refusal to ride a bus is the reason that he has scheduled all future council meetings to be held on a Greyhound.

Nov. 8 - After Washington County's long-awaited lifting of its building moratorium, the planning commission celebrates by denying an application for a 1,200-home subdivision near Williamsport. This comes after reports that growth reached record highs while the moratorium was in effect.

The Hagerstown Ice and Sports Complex announces that America is now running a budget surplus - if you count all the money we've been loaned by the Chinese.

Red-faced county commissioners cancel all appointments and leave the office early, after looking "moratorium" up in the dictionary.

Nov. 15 - Hagerstown Council members are at their best during a meeting to decide how many times per season the Hagerstown Suns minor league baseball team can shoot off fireworks. After considerable discussion, the council finally allows the shows to go on, but only after receiving a promise from Suns General Manager Kurt Landes to build a fireworks museum.

Hagerstown police announce that the council's behavior is not the result of the notorious MS-13 gang.

Nov. 22 - After spending three long and bitter months last winter begging lawmakers to grant them power to tax development, the county commissioners beg lawmakers to grant them the power to grant development tax exemptions.

Pro wrestling says that Hagerstown City Council meetings are "an embarrassing farce."

Dec. 2 - A local economic group issues a "report card for Washington County" as a means of charting local issues and demographics.

Turmoil erupts in Hagerstown over whether it should be called a Christmas Tree or a Holiday Tree.

Dean Wormer pays a stern visit to Hagerstown Mayor Dick Trump and tells him, "you better sit on that zoo council of yours."

Dec. 5 - Tension returns to the city council, when Alesia Parson-McBean complains about the mayor calling her by her first name and Penny Nigh says that in the city power structure, "men outweigh the women."

The Washington County Commissioners and Hagerstown City Council members hide the county report card from their parents.

Dec. 12 - Washington County reluctantly releases its "disaster evacuation plan," which includes instructions for county residents to keep their bags packed at all times.

Experts called in to determine whether it is a Christmas Tree or a Holiday Tree conduct a brief examination before concluding "actually, it's a spruce."

Dec. 18 - Plans for a new hospital move forward, as a zoning board waives highway setback regulations, but enforces a 1,000-foot setback on Michael Nye.

Washington County's evacuation plan is endorsed by Georgia's Runaway Bride.

Penny Nigh changes her screen name to "menRpigz."

Dean Wormer threatens to revoke Hagerstown's charter.

Dec. 31 - Local citizens find the county report card hidden under a pillow and call all elected officials together, change their screen names to goobRz - and then put them all in a museum.