Technology and this Internet thing have me scared.

I was “surfing the net” like O.J. Simpson in a white Bronco when I came across this one site.

It was called “You Tub,” a video site of portly football coaches.

I found a video of ruggedly handsome, yet calorie-challenged me giving a postgame news conference after a Dargan Dragons game in the old WCW — not professional wrestling, the Washington County Wannabes.

Ahhh, the memories, but it went something like this.

“Considering the circumstances, I thought we played well. Our quarterback was a model, a real beauty at making passes. It took some time for us to get going. We came out so ice cold, we made the labels on our helmets turn blue. We came out in the second half, got six and sucked it up like Joey Chestnut in a hot dog-eating contest. Our slow start is something we’ll have to address. We’re worn out.

“I’ll take questions now.”

It was cool.

Then I went out to one of my favorite hangouts in Dargan, the brewery that features Texas Hold ’Em games, The Beer-barrel Poker, when this commercial simulating that press conference popped up on television.

Guy in the crowd: “Big Syd! Big Syd! Is it true you have a player on the team who your guys are afraid of?”

Me: “Our quarterback was a model, a real beauty at making passes.”

Guy in the crowd: How is it your team is sponsored by that Colorado beer that comes from the mountains?

Me: “We came out so ice cold, we made the labels on our helmets turn blue.”

Guy in the crowd: “Your guys seemed to play much more relaxed after halftime. What was your secret?”

Me: “We came out in the second half, got six and sucked it up like Joey Chestnut in a hot dog-eating contest.”

And then came the most embarassing one.

Guy in the crowd: “After this big victory, what do you plan to wear to work tomorrow?

Me: “A dress ... worn out.”

Now you know why I just pick football games, but the reSydual checks are pretty nice.

On with the predictions. Last week/season, 15-10 (.600).

HIGH SCHOOLS

Friday

Smithsburg 27, Poolesville 21

Allegany 41, North Hagerstown 24

South Hagerstown 22, Berkeley Springs 16

Boonsboro 31, Southern Garrett 13

Northern Garrett 26, Williamsport 20

Susquenita 14, James Buchanan 13

Harrisburg 44, Chambersburg 23

Sherando 37, Hedgesville 7

Urbana 34, Martinsburg 21

St. James 38, Hancock 13

Greencastle 23, Shippensburg 12

Waynesboro 31, Hershey 20

Potomac Falls 28, Jefferson 17

Central 27, Musselman 14

Saturday

Bishop Walsh 34, Clear Spring 26

Landon 33, Mercersburg Academy 30

COLLEGES

California 44, Maryland 14

Penn State 37, Syracuse 13

Shepherd 28, Glenville State 20

PROS

Saints 31, Redskins 17

Ravens 20, Texans 14

Steelers 28, Browns 17