The Starting Five

A friend just emailed me these Qs & As:

      Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the
      Super Bowl?
      A. The Washington Redskins.

      Q. What do the Redskins and Billy Graham have in common?
      A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”

      Q. How do you keep the Redskins out of your yard?
      A. Put up a goal post.

      Q. Where do you go in D.C. in case of a tornado?
      A. To FedEx Field – they never have a touchdown there!

      Q. What do you call a Redskin with a Super Bowl ring?
      A. Senior Citizen

      Q. What’s the difference between the Redskins and a dollar bill?
      A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

      Q. How many Redskins does it take to win a Super Bowl?
      A. We may never find out in the 21st century.

      Q. What do the Redskins and opossums have in common?
      A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

I’m not a HUGE National Football League fan, but I do pay attention to what’s going on around the league.

There are so many sidelights in pro sports that go along with the actual event itself and the NFL is no different — whether its a Tony Romo love ordeal; a T.O. team problem; another suspension or whatever. Always something.

And now, the next chapter in the NFL’s As The World Turns is the on-again, off-again retirement of Brett Favre.

Two years ago Favre retires from Green Bay. He literally holds the team hostage in making a decision. Then he decides he is going to quarterback the New York Jets. Then it is time for retirement again. Then, he does it all over again making news during the offseason whether he is going to sign with Minnesota. Only a few weeks ago he announced he is staying retired. And then, the bombshell on Tuesday comes that he has signed a contract with the Vikings to play this season.

Maybe he doesn’t like staying at home. Doesn’t want to see the weeds grow. Doesn’t want to mow the grass.  Maybe he wants to play again, so in two years, he can leave Minnesota, jack them around and then do it again to someone else. Who knows, maybe it is senility setting in on him. He obviously doesn’t need the money. But c’mon Brett, don’t try to tell us in an interview that your little daughter was the influencing decision on your return to the NFL.

Maybe Jim Brown can come out of retirement and play fullback for the Cleveland Browns. Or even Bernie Kosar comes back to the Browns as a owner-player.

It appears the long national nightmare is over.

Yeah, right.

Minnesota Vikings coach Brad Childress told the Star-Tribune that Brett Favre has decided to stay retired after holding yet another team hostage for an entire summer.

Childress didn’t use the “holding hostage” reference. That was me. But you’ve got to wonder how this makes the Childress and the rest of the organization feel. The team made no secret that it wanted Favre, and so it only stands to reason that they were at least making some plans for him to be there.

They wanted Favre because he would clear up the situation at quarterback. Now, that situation is every bit as cloudy as it was before.

I made the comment the other day that I wanted one of two things to happen:

1. Favre retires and goes away … for good … really.

2. He comes back with the Vikings … or any other team, for that matter … and goes 4-12, then slumps into oblivion, his legacy tarnished for good.

I really hope that since he’s started down path No. 1, he stays on that path.

Go away, Brett. Just go away.

THE NBA PLAYOFFS – I might actually pay half attention this year with the King James and the Cavaliers a favorite to reach the NBA Finals. James gets 38 points in the playoff opener on Saturday, showing every reason why the Cavs should get there.

THE NHL PLAYOFFS – What was that thud in Washington this week? The Capitals losing twice at home to the N.Y. Rangers certainly was not in my horoscope, much less that of any Capitals fan. Talk about being in dire straits? Where has Alex the Great been?

JOHN MADDEN – The kind of guy I would never want mad at me … Madden announced his retirement after 30 years in the broadcast booth earlier this week. It turns out his final game was the Super Bowl and he goes out successfully – he did a great job with Al Michaels in what turned out to be a very good game. The way he called the game made it a great way for him to go out at the age of 73. Madden was unique in his own way. He taught the average fan with his analysis in terms of ‘Whaps and Booms’ instead of always boring us with the intracacies of inside terminology. He was a Hall of Fame coach and a HOF broadcaster.

NEW YORK YANKEES – Of course I couldn’t be happier that my Cleveland Indians spoiled the very first game in the new Yankee Stadium on Thursday with a 10-2 win over that team. And then, 24 runs on Saturday. It’s not often an Indians fan can gloat against the Yankees, so I’ll take ‘em when and where I can get them. Andy Schotz – what did you think about Saturday?

NASCAR — From Joey Logano to Mark Martin – I guess anyone young and old that can hold on to a steering wheel can win a race.

I’ve got to say, he’s no David Tyree, but Santonio Holmes knows how to make a statement.

I wouldn’t be characterized as a Steelers fan, especially being from Cleveland, but I do respect them, and Holmes helped fortify that “respect.” And I obviously have had extra time to think about this, since I’m blogging about it on Tuesday, two days after the fact.

One of the things I love to do while watching a Super Bowl is to look for that one moment in the game that will be remembered forever. You know, like John Elway getting hit and spun around in midair, the Marcus Allen run against the Redskins and the classic catch of Lynn Swann.

Holmes’ catch that was the decisive touchdown in the Pittsburgh Steelers’ 27-23 Super Bowl XLIII win might not be as glitzy as say, the Tyree grab against his helmet that helped the New York Giants down the New England Patriots last year, but his ability to catch the ball and get his feet down in that situation will be shown for quite some time.

(continue reading…)

I spent Sunday in the office, so I only caught bits and pieces of the first three quarters before settling in for the fourth quarter.

So, I’ve spent some time today reading in full what the experts all think about the outcome of Pittsburgh’s 27-23 win over Arizona.

I didn’t think the game would be a classic going into it. And, for the very fast first three quarters it appeared to be a ho-hum Super Bowl.

However, the fourth quarter had all the ups and downs of a rollercoaster. It turned out to be a great finish — obviously one that will have fans talking about for a long time.

And the question all over the Internet — Was it the greatest game ever?

(continue reading…)

Super Bowl predictions from The Herald-Mail sports guys: 

Mark Keller: Steelers, 31-23

Andy Mason: Steelers, 34-31

Bob Parasiliti: Steelers, 27-20

Dan Kauffman: Steelers, 23-21

Tim Koelble: Steelers, 25-13

Enjoy the game!

Didn’t we see this story last year?

Just last year, the New York Giants were struggling.

They couldn’t win at home. Tom Coughlin was about to be fired once the season ended because the Giants were way off course. Eli Manning should be benched.

Suddenly, the Giants — the NFC’s fifth seed — won three straight playoff games on the road, got to the Super Bowl and defeated New England to became NFL champions. (continue reading…)

There’s few things I like better than a rare Saturday night off, and especially during NFL divisional playoffs weekend. Seven hours of football is just fine with me. So I sat down and prepared for the Titans and Panthers to take care of business.

Well, they took care of something, alright. But it wasn’t business. It was themselves.

Let’s start with the Ravens’ win. I have to admit, I have a somewhat irrational dislike for the Ravens. It’s not so much the team as much as a handful of obnoxious fans who have rubbed me the wrong way over the years. It’s not quite like my father’s hatred for the New England “Cheatriots” which has gotten surprisingly fierce (he took great delight when they missed the playoffs … I don’t think I’ve seen him that happy since he got married a few years ago. And in case he reads this, I’m just kidding). But generally, I don’t root for the Ravens. (continue reading…)

Last week I said my burial for the Cleveland Browns would take place around 4 p.m. after their game with the Steelers.
It could have been around 2:30 actually. The nails have firmly been put in place for my Brownies!

For the first time in club history the Browns have gone thru back-to-back shutouts and Sunday’s 31-0 loss marked the sixth straight game in which Cleveland has not scored an offensive touchdown.

Romeo Crennel will be gone, Phil Savage is just about gone as GM.

I WANT Bill Cowher out from behind the studio desk and on the Browns’ sidelines where he used to play as a Browns linebacker. I can live with the fact he coached the hated Steelers only because he has Cleveland ties.