Full Version: When Do You Know Your Marriage, Relationship Is Over ??
When do you know if your Marriage, or Realationship is at it's breaking point ? What are the sign's ? When do you know when it's time to bail out? Should couples stay for the Children ? Those of you who went threw a major break up are you sorry now? Those who thought the grass was greener on the other side, was it ?
You know the relationship is over when you start talking about it to strangers online. 
Just kidding. I went through a divorce where we both knew it was over years before we made it official, staying together out of concern for how it would effect our daughter. It was very difficult for everyone involved but I knew then and I'm still convinced that it was the right thing to do. I've been re-married now for almost 21 years to my soulmate. We have 2 great sons, and I still have a strong relationship with my daughter.
What I'm saying is, you're the only one who's going to know when it's over.
Just kidding. I went through a divorce where we both knew it was over years before we made it official, staying together out of concern for how it would effect our daughter. It was very difficult for everyone involved but I knew then and I'm still convinced that it was the right thing to do. I've been re-married now for almost 21 years to my soulmate. We have 2 great sons, and I still have a strong relationship with my daughter.
What I'm saying is, you're the only one who's going to know when it's over.
If all you can think about is how it would be better if you weren't together, then it is probably time. There is nothing wrong with divorce if the two people involved should not be together, staying together for the sake of it is wrong. You have the right to be happy.
good luck!
good luck!
QUOTE (Unbelieveable @ May 6 2006, 09:15 PM) 
When do you know if your Marriage, or Realationship is at it's breaking point ? What are the sign's ? When do you know when it's time to bail out? Should couples stay for the Children ? Those of you who went threw a major break up are you sorry now? Those who thought the grass was greener on the other side, was it ?
The grass may seem to appear greener on the other side, but usually isn't. One of the neighbors, or a coworker may seem more attractive than the person you wake up next to, but they wake up with stinky morning breath and bed-head, and stink up the bathroom just like everyone else! The single girl that you work with may seem to have it made, but she has to work two jobs just to pay for her rent and utilities, and sits home alone on Friday nights reading singles ads on the internet.
If it's just day to day boredom in the relationship, there are ways to help that...take a weekend away, just the two of you, go to dinner & a movie like when you used to date. Maybe take a class together!
Just from my experience, it's time to bail when the other person gets physically and or mentally abusive with you or the children, and is unwilling to seek help.
To tell you the truth, I'm glad that I'm out of the bad relationships that I've had, but I still feel very sad when I see couples that have been together since high school, and have kids and grandkids together. I'm happy for them, but I feel sad that I couldn't hold my own marriage together that long. But I know that it would've been worse if I stayed.
If it's just day to day boredom in the relationship, there are ways to help that...take a weekend away, just the two of you, go to dinner & a movie like when you used to date. Maybe take a class together!
Just from my experience, it's time to bail when the other person gets physically and or mentally abusive with you or the children, and is unwilling to seek help.
To tell you the truth, I'm glad that I'm out of the bad relationships that I've had, but I still feel very sad when I see couples that have been together since high school, and have kids and grandkids together. I'm happy for them, but I feel sad that I couldn't hold my own marriage together that long. But I know that it would've been worse if I stayed.
It is usually over when there is no trust in the person left
. However when you add children to the mix, unless there is physical or mental abuse or alcoholism/drug addiction there is probably no reason to quit the marriage. The children bear the scars forever... If it is just for convenience, well--you two were the adults and made the babies...count the years til the kids are 18 & up & out & just press on...try of course to make things better if possible between then & now--just know there is an end...or maybe the valley will fade away & it will get better...
Idiot--how old was your daughter when you split? Was it a good relationship before she grew up? Or did you just think so?
Sign me, been there, done that...got the scars....know alot of friends with the same ones..
. However when you add children to the mix, unless there is physical or mental abuse or alcoholism/drug addiction there is probably no reason to quit the marriage. The children bear the scars forever... If it is just for convenience, well--you two were the adults and made the babies...count the years til the kids are 18 & up & out & just press on...try of course to make things better if possible between then & now--just know there is an end...or maybe the valley will fade away & it will get better...
Idiot--how old was your daughter when you split? Was it a good relationship before she grew up? Or did you just think so?
Sign me, been there, done that...got the scars....know alot of friends with the same ones..
It's OVER when:
Your significant other is a hypochondriac and nags the daylights out of you on every little thing.
Your significant other is a hypochondriac and nags the daylights out of you on every little thing.
...or when she holds a gun to your head in the middle of the night and threatens to blow your f****** brains out.....
QUOTE (Yossarian @ May 9 2006, 10:54 AM)
...or when she holds a gun to your head in the middle of the night and threatens to blow your f****** brains out.....
That would suck...
When they slit their wrists in front of you..
I knew it was over with one of my ex-boyfriends when he would leave work Friday and camp out in his parent's yard until Sunday night with only a gallon of water, a lit candle and a bible.
QUOTE (Yossarian @ May 9 2006, 10:54 AM)
...or when she holds a gun to your head in the middle of the night and threatens to blow your f****** brains out.....
What'd you do to deserve that????? Forget to put away your stinky sox again?
Ok... I may end up sound like a total loser, but here's my two cents:
There are only a few circumstances in which I feel divorce is justified.
1. Abuse: Either emotional or physical.
2. Addiction: Whether it be drugs, porn, gambling, booze... if the person won't seek help.
3. Infidelity: If DH ever cheats on me, my a$$ is out the door.
4. Psychological disorders: If they damage the relationship and the person won't seek help.
Of course, there are "special" circumstances... Yoss and txexpatriot both gave examples that I think justify divorce... although they kinda fit under my #4.
I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
But that's just my beliefs. I know other people see things differently (hence the term "starter marriage").
I don't think less of anyone who has been through a divorce, either. It's a personal choice, and their choices are none of my business. Besides, no one ever knows what goes on behind closed doors. When a couple divorces, people often take sides. I try to never take sides, even if one of the persons is a close friend, because I have no idea what REALLY went on in the privacy of their marriage.
There are only a few circumstances in which I feel divorce is justified.
1. Abuse: Either emotional or physical.
2. Addiction: Whether it be drugs, porn, gambling, booze... if the person won't seek help.
3. Infidelity: If DH ever cheats on me, my a$$ is out the door.
4. Psychological disorders: If they damage the relationship and the person won't seek help.
Of course, there are "special" circumstances... Yoss and txexpatriot both gave examples that I think justify divorce... although they kinda fit under my #4.
I believe in the sanctity of marriage.
But that's just my beliefs. I know other people see things differently (hence the term "starter marriage").
I don't think less of anyone who has been through a divorce, either. It's a personal choice, and their choices are none of my business. Besides, no one ever knows what goes on behind closed doors. When a couple divorces, people often take sides. I try to never take sides, even if one of the persons is a close friend, because I have no idea what REALLY went on in the privacy of their marriage.
I agree totally with you PF! I've been through many of the things on your list, believe it or not 
Worse comment I ever heard was by a fiance to his mother in law to be at the rehearsal dinner.
"Here's to my future ex-mother-in-law." I wanted to slug him, but the groomsmen & bride-to-be all thought it was hysterical..and quoted it often the next day at the reception.
"Here's to my future ex-mother-in-law." I wanted to slug him, but the groomsmen & bride-to-be all thought it was hysterical..and quoted it often the next day at the reception.
QUOTE (txexpatriot @ May 9 2006, 06:03 PM)
Worse comment I ever heard was by a fiance to his mother in law to be at the rehearsal dinner.
"Here's to my future ex-mother-in-law." I wanted to slug him, but the groomsmen & bride-to-be all thought it was hysterical..and quoted it often the next day at the reception.
"Here's to my future ex-mother-in-law." I wanted to slug him, but the groomsmen & bride-to-be all thought it was hysterical..and quoted it often the next day at the reception.
Just curious: Is the couple still married?
Well, they have 3 kids together and they leave each other all the time..then get back together...they have even tried to throw each other out of a moving car...
I figure it will be over when one of them finds another..
I figure it will be over when one of them finds another..
All marriages run into rough times.I agree with peacefrog with the reasons to end a marriage If you are unhappy you should talk to your spouse about your problems not a co worker or a friend of the opposite sex.(that is how many affairs start)If you have a strong marriage you should be able to survive the hard times.Your husband not working is probably putting undue stress on your marriage hang in there.
For me personally, the only reasons for divorce are emotional and/or physical abuse, repeated infidelity, addiction if they refuse help and criminal behavior (murder, pedophile).
I have to disagree that it is better for a couple to stay together for the children. From my experience this is just as bad or worse. For example, a friend of ours had a very troubled marriage. First off, they should have never gotten married; they got married because they got pregnant. After a few years they separated and got back together because they got pregnant again.
They were constantly fighting, screaming, yelling and even throwing things. You can't tell me that it was good for their children to live in an environment of constant stress and turmoil. They had also stopped sharing a bedroom. They thought they did a good job of hiding their problems from their children, but they knew what was going on.
When their children started treating each other and others just like their parents were acting (yelling, screaming at each other and throwing things), they finally realized that it was best to divorce. Unless you're really great actors and can pretend to be happily married, the kids are going to pick up on it. Then they will have a warped sense of what a marriage is like.
I have to disagree that it is better for a couple to stay together for the children. From my experience this is just as bad or worse. For example, a friend of ours had a very troubled marriage. First off, they should have never gotten married; they got married because they got pregnant. After a few years they separated and got back together because they got pregnant again.
They were constantly fighting, screaming, yelling and even throwing things. You can't tell me that it was good for their children to live in an environment of constant stress and turmoil. They had also stopped sharing a bedroom. They thought they did a good job of hiding their problems from their children, but they knew what was going on.
When their children started treating each other and others just like their parents were acting (yelling, screaming at each other and throwing things), they finally realized that it was best to divorce. Unless you're really great actors and can pretend to be happily married, the kids are going to pick up on it. Then they will have a warped sense of what a marriage is like.
We separated for about 9 months about 2-1/2 years before we split. During that time, I saw another guy, and he saw another woman. Apparently, he thought I was sitting at home pining over him during the separation, and couldn't deal with the fact that I'd been seeing somebody while we were separated.
When we got back together, he was the one and only. But when he figured out that I had dated somebody during our separation, he came out with the "I can't trust you" line. He moved into the other bedroom on New Year's Eve and moved a buddy into the house (he slept on the sofa in the living room). He didn't move out until Valentine's Day, and his buddy stayed until Memorial Day.
You know it's over when he makes it clear that he's holding something that you did while separated against you, and that there's no way that he will think otherwise. Marriage isn't about one being superior to the other, and if the spouse starts that routine, you're at the top of a downward spiral - give it up while you still have your pride and your sanity! You're no good to your children as a beaten down person.
When we got back together, he was the one and only. But when he figured out that I had dated somebody during our separation, he came out with the "I can't trust you" line. He moved into the other bedroom on New Year's Eve and moved a buddy into the house (he slept on the sofa in the living room). He didn't move out until Valentine's Day, and his buddy stayed until Memorial Day.
You know it's over when he makes it clear that he's holding something that you did while separated against you, and that there's no way that he will think otherwise. Marriage isn't about one being superior to the other, and if the spouse starts that routine, you're at the top of a downward spiral - give it up while you still have your pride and your sanity! You're no good to your children as a beaten down person.
I have no help for you. I'm on my first and only marriage. we've been through things that tear other marriages apart at the seams. we've gotten through them and have grown closer. I couldn't see my life without my hubby. sometimes it worries me what will happen years from now if he should go first.I agree with mstubble for the reasons for divorce. If it's just the fact that you've grown apart or at differnt speeds,then you need to get the help and tools from someone to fix the problem.
Good Luck.
QUOTE (WVDragonlady @ May 11 2006, 08:10 AM)
I have no help for you. I'm on my first and only marriage. we've been through things that tear other marriages apart at the seams. we've gotten through them and have grown closer. I couldn't see my life without my hubby. sometimes it worries me what will happen years from now if he should go first.That is so sweet, Dragon.
You are indeed a fortunate woman
"But marriage to anyone but my first wife isn't even on my list of viable options right now, based on my understanding of scripture and my personal experience."
B, Is that even a possibility - I mean, has she moved on with her life, etc., or is she available?
I believe that The Big Guy intended for me to marry my first husband to have a child, but to spend the rest of my life with my 2nd husband. I believe that because there were places visited and things done with 1st that are now part of my everyday life with 2nd, and I did not meet 2nd until 5 years after the divorce. I had moved to VA and gone back to the old neighborhood for a friend's party when I met him, and the coincidences keep going from there, up to and including that we now live just down the road from where 1st & I went to a Bluegrass Festival in the middle of nowhere in 1976!
1st has since married & divorced again, and is living with another woman in upper NW DC, and honestly, when I do have to see him (grandkid events), I don't know what attracted me to him to begin with. And he is not interested in me either - we have a mutual bond of a child, but no interest in the other at all now. Could be because we married very young (him barely 19, me barely 18). All I know is that I married 1st intending to be that way for the rest of my life, but things changed, and we divorced. I WILL be with 2nd until the day they carry one of us off in a body bag, and if it's him first, I'll get another dog.
B, Is that even a possibility - I mean, has she moved on with her life, etc., or is she available?
I believe that The Big Guy intended for me to marry my first husband to have a child, but to spend the rest of my life with my 2nd husband. I believe that because there were places visited and things done with 1st that are now part of my everyday life with 2nd, and I did not meet 2nd until 5 years after the divorce. I had moved to VA and gone back to the old neighborhood for a friend's party when I met him, and the coincidences keep going from there, up to and including that we now live just down the road from where 1st & I went to a Bluegrass Festival in the middle of nowhere in 1976!
1st has since married & divorced again, and is living with another woman in upper NW DC, and honestly, when I do have to see him (grandkid events), I don't know what attracted me to him to begin with. And he is not interested in me either - we have a mutual bond of a child, but no interest in the other at all now. Could be because we married very young (him barely 19, me barely 18). All I know is that I married 1st intending to be that way for the rest of my life, but things changed, and we divorced. I WILL be with 2nd until the day they carry one of us off in a body bag, and if it's him first, I'll get another dog.
QUOTE (BMIC @ May 13 2006, 02:27 PM)
QUOTE (jenpoo123 @ May 9 2006, 05:30 PM)
you should talk to your spouse about your problems not a ... friend of the opposite sex.(that is how many affairs start)
Bingo! My second wife spent weeks talking to a married male friend feeding him a pack of lies about me and our relationship before she finally moved out. Based on her misinformation, he basically talked her into leaving instead of continuing the counseling we were in. Foolish thing - I don't think she realized I could read those e-mails that she left on my computer, though I waited until after she left to go digging for clues as to why she did. But they do tell a tale of growing emotional adultery - it's really not hard to see. So I couldn't agree more that the last thing you want to do is start discussing your marital problems with any opposite-sex friend. It's simply inappropriate and asking for trouble.
P.S. - No big surprise here: I personally believe strongly in the most conservative interpretations of what the Bible has to say on the matter of marriage and divorce. I.e., once you're married that's it for you. Make it work or forget about any other romantic relationship for the rest of your life. That's harsh by today's standards I know, and I talked myself into a more liberal interpretation of scripture several years after my first marriage ended, and dared to remarry. But I see now that relationship was doomed from the beginning as adulterous. You can disagree and if you reject the Bible outright we're not even speaking the same language anyway, but IMO you get one chance. My only hope is if my first wife and I ever reconcile, and even then there are the issues of intervening adultery that has to be forgiven. But I know it cannot be forced so I am not even looking towards it or trying to make it happen. I've just consigned myself to waiting and seeing what the Lord brings next. But marriage to anyone but my first wife isn't even on my list of viable options right now, based on my understanding of scripture and my personal experience.
What other parts of the bible do you interpret liberally as the situation arises?
i kinda thought it was over when:::::
my wife bought a new gun and engraved my name on the bullets ...
i took my wife to hawaii on our 30th aniversery , i'm gonna go get her on our 50th .
when we got married i loved her so much i could have ate her , now i wish i would have .
she used to call me a greek god , now she calls me a god damned greek.
the dog never barks at any other man who comes in the house , just me ..
everytime i open the front door i think i hear the back door close .
marriage is a great institution , but who wants to live in a institution ?
marriage should have a trial period .
marriage is legal prostitution ...
look at your mother in law ,,, that is what your wife will look like , sound like , act like and bitch like ...
THE PERFECT WIFE ::: DEAF, DUMB , OVERSEXED AND OWN A WHISKY STORE ...........
my wife bought a new gun and engraved my name on the bullets ...
i took my wife to hawaii on our 30th aniversery , i'm gonna go get her on our 50th .
when we got married i loved her so much i could have ate her , now i wish i would have .
she used to call me a greek god , now she calls me a god damned greek.
the dog never barks at any other man who comes in the house , just me ..
everytime i open the front door i think i hear the back door close .
marriage is a great institution , but who wants to live in a institution ?
marriage should have a trial period .
marriage is legal prostitution ...
look at your mother in law ,,, that is what your wife will look like , sound like , act like and bitch like ...
THE PERFECT WIFE ::: DEAF, DUMB , OVERSEXED AND OWN A WHISKY STORE ...........
B,
Just want to bring something to your attention. I just want to point out that your post sounds like it is all the ex-wives's fault. That is never the case in any relationship. No matter what the situation, if we only look at what the other person did wrong, we, ourselves, will never change and we will just repeat the same problems over and over. Whether in a marriage or friendship. Knowing what it "ideal" and being "ideal" are usually so far removed in real life. You know a whole lot about what is the "right" thing to do. But, it is always a process. We can not just be "ideal" because we know it. You have to peel back layers and layers of garbage to bring real humility and accept the way you are. When that happens, you can begin to love other people just the way they are. That's the only way we can really change and be more of a reflection of the One we love.
I love the saying, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."
Just want to bring something to your attention. I just want to point out that your post sounds like it is all the ex-wives's fault. That is never the case in any relationship. No matter what the situation, if we only look at what the other person did wrong, we, ourselves, will never change and we will just repeat the same problems over and over. Whether in a marriage or friendship. Knowing what it "ideal" and being "ideal" are usually so far removed in real life. You know a whole lot about what is the "right" thing to do. But, it is always a process. We can not just be "ideal" because we know it. You have to peel back layers and layers of garbage to bring real humility and accept the way you are. When that happens, you can begin to love other people just the way they are. That's the only way we can really change and be more of a reflection of the One we love.
I love the saying, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."
I agree with Checkingin. B, you make it sound like you had no fault in either divorce. At a minimum, you did a bad job at picking what you call screwed up women. How long did you know each wife before you got married? And what exactly makes them so screwed up?
Case in point: two castrating bee-hotches had to launch a personal attack. You're all a waste of my time. So I say eff you all if you won't respect my opinions!
I have to agree with you B (did i say that) it can be all the others fault. Anyhow you know it's over when you catch you wife running around with her x husband ( convicted drug dealer). After you adopted their child and raised him as your own ( with no support ) for 18 years. Man am i glad that marriage ended.
QUOTE (BMIC @ May 14 2006, 03:57 PM)
Case in point: two castrating bee-hotches had to launch a personal attack. You're all a waste of my time. So I say eff you all if you won't agree with my opinions!
fixed it for ya'... s'ok.. no need to thank me.
QUOTE
Case in point: two castrating bee-hotches had to launch a personal attack. You're all a waste of my time. So I say eff you all if you won't respect my opinions!
How did I launch a personal attack? I did not call you any names and you turn around and call me a "castrating bee-hotche"; that's a personal attack.
How can I ever respect your opinions, if you won't ever help me understand them? I'm not trying to make fun of you or disrepect you in any way. I want to understand, but I can't do that if you don't answer any questions.
Yeah B,
I am not trying to attack you. I just want to give you an idea of how it comes across to me. There are always very good reasons for divorce. As you have stated. But, I am not talking about who is right and wrong. I am talking about learning through mistakes we all make. And, I am saying this because I have learned through many hard things happening in my life.
I "lay into you" many times, because you come across as if you have such a God-threatening standard for others, but not always yourself. That is my opinion. Just trying to get you to see yourself from a different perspective. You do have alot of valid points, but many people won't respect them due to some of the ways you express yourself.
I am not trying to attack you. I just want to give you an idea of how it comes across to me. There are always very good reasons for divorce. As you have stated. But, I am not talking about who is right and wrong. I am talking about learning through mistakes we all make. And, I am saying this because I have learned through many hard things happening in my life.
I "lay into you" many times, because you come across as if you have such a God-threatening standard for others, but not always yourself. That is my opinion. Just trying to get you to see yourself from a different perspective. You do have alot of valid points, but many people won't respect them due to some of the ways you express yourself.
I am very sorry that you have had to go through a divorce. It is hard for everyone. Hope it all works out for you and your daughter.
B posted his beliefs on marriage, and his beliefs on why his second marriage ended. Then he went and deleted his posts and resorted to name-calling when others commented about them.
Yup, that's BMIC all right
Yup, that's BMIC all right
I thought there were posts missing. 
I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out.
I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out.
QUOTE (WVDragonlady @ May 15 2006, 09:11 AM)
I thought there were posts missing. I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out.
I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out. WVD=the Ex-Mrs. BMIC? They fight like it.
Personally, I limit my responses with those posters that are known for deleting their posts, or worse, going back days later and editing them. It ruins the whole continuity of the discussion and makes nonsense out of well thought out responses.
QUOTE (Yossarian @ May 15 2006, 10:21 AM)
Personally, I limit my responses with those posters that are known for deleting their posts, or worse, going back days later and editing them. It ruins the whole continuity of the discussion and makes nonsense out of well thought out responses.
I WISH YOU GUYS WOULD STOP PICKIN ON BMIC......
he cant help the way he is and i think we should overlook people like that ......... he's doing his best and we should respect that ...............
i will say this with understanding and compassion ::::::
HE MUST HAVE BEEN HELL TO LIVE WITH ,,, he and my 4 wives must all be related ,,,,,,,, they are the main reasons i felt that my life was in danger and obtaind a permit to carry a gun ............
QUOTE (City Park Dad @ May 15 2006, 09:21 AM)
QUOTE (WVDragonlady @ May 15 2006, 09:11 AM)
I thought there were posts missing. I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out.
I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out. WVD=the Ex-Mrs. BMIC? They fight like it.
read my first post and you'll see that your post has no merit.
QUOTE (WVDragonlady @ May 15 2006, 12:40 PM)
QUOTE (City Park Dad @ May 15 2006, 09:21 AM)
QUOTE (WVDragonlady @ May 15 2006, 09:11 AM)
I thought there were posts missing. I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out.
I kept seeing quotes by asshat and then there were no original posts. Kinda makes ya think those wives knew what they were doing by getting out. WVD=the Ex-Mrs. BMIC? They fight like it.
read my first post and you'll see that your post has no merit.
QUOTE (Checkingin @ May 14 2006, 11:39 AM)
B,
Just want to bring something to your attention. I just want to point out that your post sounds like it is all the ex-wives's fault. That is never the case in any relationship. No matter what the situation, if we only look at what the other person did wrong, we, ourselves, will never change and we will just repeat the same problems over and over. Whether in a marriage or friendship. Knowing what it "ideal" and being "ideal" are usually so far removed in real life. You know a whole lot about what is the "right" thing to do. But, it is always a process. We can not just be "ideal" because we know it. You have to peel back layers and layers of garbage to bring real humility and accept the way you are. When that happens, you can begin to love other people just the way they are. That's the only way we can really change and be more of a reflection of the One we love.
I love the saying, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."
Just want to bring something to your attention. I just want to point out that your post sounds like it is all the ex-wives's fault. That is never the case in any relationship. No matter what the situation, if we only look at what the other person did wrong, we, ourselves, will never change and we will just repeat the same problems over and over. Whether in a marriage or friendship. Knowing what it "ideal" and being "ideal" are usually so far removed in real life. You know a whole lot about what is the "right" thing to do. But, it is always a process. We can not just be "ideal" because we know it. You have to peel back layers and layers of garbage to bring real humility and accept the way you are. When that happens, you can begin to love other people just the way they are. That's the only way we can really change and be more of a reflection of the One we love.
I love the saying, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."
Checkingin,I agree with you that it is never one persons fault but I know where B is coming from.Sometimes you are blindsided & didnt realize that the other person felt the way they did because they didnt talk to you about your martial problems.(decide to talk to opposite sex)My marriage almost ended a few years back because of problems I wasnt even aware of. My husband started talking to a female co worker who was also married .She tells him that she would leave her husband if she found the right guy.He starts going to her house that was only a block from our house.I found out because I called my husband to see when he was coming home & he told me.He was only seeing her for 2 weeks & he swears that it never got sexual.We still almost split because he wasnt going to stop seeing her.(he changed his mind after 2 days)That was 3 years ago & at times I still struggle with trusting him.In some ways it made our marriage stronger but that was a very hard time in my life.It takes work to keep a marriage strong & if one partner doesnt want to work on it then you might as well give it up.She was 14 years younger than my husband & I think he was going through an early mid life crises(he was 39 at the time)
i`ve been married for 39 years now.
We agree and disagree all the time. Then we drop it. Move on.
It works for us.
We agree and disagree all the time. Then we drop it. Move on.
It works for us.
QUOTE (Mcgee @ May 15 2006, 07:10 PM)
i`ve been married for 39 years now.
We agree and disagree all the time. Then we drop it. Move on.
It works for us.
We agree and disagree all the time. Then we drop it. Move on.
It works for us.
Personally, I think that living with my twin wouldn't be very interesting. Besides, the making up is always fun!
QUOTE (Unbelieveable @ May 6 2006, 09:15 PM)
When do you know if your Marriage, or Realationship is at it's breaking point ? What are the sign's ? When do you know when it's time to bail out?
When he tried to convince me that condoms with holes in them were safe. B, I'm not that stupid! Quit trying to convince me to have your baby!
ive been married 40 years now, devorce has never intered my mind, it will be over when one of us passes on i quess. oh , and 5 children later.
QUOTE (WVDragonlady @ May 11 2006, 08:10 AM)
I have no help for you. I'm on my first and only marriage. we've been through things that tear other marriages apart at the seams. we've gotten through them and have grown closer. I couldn't see my life without my hubby. sometimes it worries me what will happen years from now if he should go first.I agree with mstubble for the reasons for divorce. If it's just the fact that you've grown apart or at differnt speeds,then you need to get the help and tools from someone to fix the problem.
Good Luck.
WVDragonlady,
This is my first marriage also, and my Husband is the first guy i have ever dated ! We have been threw some vey hard times that would break many marriages up, we also have gotten through them. I LOVE him, and respect him. It just seems we like different things and with a Child involved it gets hard. I love the out doors, fishing, catching tadpoles, raising birds, hunting mushrooms, this list could go on and on. My Husband makes me feel like the things i enjoy are not inportant. He makes little sarcasic remarks i DO NOT like, than i get angry. I feel when he does this he is being disrespectful, and it hurts my feelings ! I have told him over and over again how it hurt's me the way he act's, he will stop it for a little bit, and than bang he start's back up.
Jenpoo,
Threw this forum i have become friends with Jenn, i must say she is a very good supportive friend who i really care about ! I agree with her. This has all stared when my Husbands job went under. We was use to getting anything, and everything and now we are living a different lifestyle and it is a big adjustment. My Mom is forever saying i'm spoiled, i'm not spoiled ! Our whole lifestyle has changed, it's very hard ! I also miss the special times with our Son. We had a good time just him and i. I would ask him if he wanted to go out on a date ? we would go get something to eat, park the car talk and watch traffic, i miss that ! Or we would go fishing, visit my Sisters. Now that my Husband is home i go alone.
QUOTE (Checkingin @ May 14 2006, 11:39 AM)
B,
Just want to bring something to your attention. I just want to point out that your post sounds like it is all the ex-wives's fault. That is never the case in any relationship. No matter what the situation, if we only look at what the other person did wrong, we, ourselves, will never change and we will just repeat the same problems over and over. Whether in a marriage or friendship. Knowing what it "ideal" and being "ideal" are usually so far removed in real life. You know a whole lot about what is the "right" thing to do. But, it is always a process. We can not just be "ideal" because we know it. You have to peel back layers and layers of garbage to bring real humility and accept the way you are. When that happens, you can begin to love other people just the way they are. That's the only way we can really change and be more of a reflection of the One we love.
I love the saying, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."
Just want to bring something to your attention. I just want to point out that your post sounds like it is all the ex-wives's fault. That is never the case in any relationship. No matter what the situation, if we only look at what the other person did wrong, we, ourselves, will never change and we will just repeat the same problems over and over. Whether in a marriage or friendship. Knowing what it "ideal" and being "ideal" are usually so far removed in real life. You know a whole lot about what is the "right" thing to do. But, it is always a process. We can not just be "ideal" because we know it. You have to peel back layers and layers of garbage to bring real humility and accept the way you are. When that happens, you can begin to love other people just the way they are. That's the only way we can really change and be more of a reflection of the One we love.
I love the saying, "Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care."
Checkingin,
Very well put ! I love the saying " There are three sides to a story, your side, his side and the turth "
sounds like you've got a temporary setback. Once the Hubby finds new work and gets back into the swing
everything should go back to normal.
everything should go back to normal.
the best remedy for a failing or boring marriage is to HAVE A AFFAIR !!!!!
QUOTE (ROWDY @ May 16 2006, 11:45 AM)
the best remedy for a failing or boring marriage is to HAVE A AFFAIR !!!!!
Expert advice from the guy thats had 3 or 4 wives
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