I'm curious to know how others respond to this topic. How do you know your friend or friends are really true too you ?


How many of you would like your friend to be your lover ?

If yes, do you think it would work ?

Or would you rather keep them as your friend so you don't lose them ?

How many of you have lost a friend this way ?

In the beginning i was speaking of friends as Male/Male, Female/Female, or Male Female. With the added questions i speaking of Male/Female.............Just wanted to make that clear.

a friend will post your bail. A true friend will be sitting next to you asking how we got into this mess

I can have horrible, nasty fights and disagreements with my friends and yet we can get over it, accept each other for who we are, flaws included, and wind up laughing about it later. We always end up back together again. I think that's true friendship.

Two things that seem relatively minor, but are things that I find an excuse to get out of for all but the bestest of friends or family.

- help you move
- drop off/pick you up at the airport

Once again, an episode (the Keith Hernandez ep) of Seinfeld has all of the answers.

I almost posted this too, but thinking back, it didn't always prove to be true for me. It actually made me realize I had a lot of my girlfriend's boyfriends help me move.

That doesn't count because they were probably compelled to help, under duress from the girlfriend, not by freewill.

I feel before even making a friend there is something that you like about the other persons personality that draws you to them, it might be something you have in commen with them, or they remind you of someone you once knew. When getting to know the person it's just small talk, as time goes on and you find trust in them you began to tell them personal things that you have been through or going through now, the things that make you happy, the things that make you upset, the things that bring you joy, the things that bring you sadness. After knowing your heart they should respect and accept you as you are, the same goes on your behalf towards them. A really true friend doesn't pass judgment, doesn't question you even if they don't understand, they support you, they don't go making up tall tales about you, they don't like you for your looks, they LOVE you because you are you !

A friend helps you move. A true friend helps you move dead bodies.


I'd agree with that.



Not necessarily. My best friends in the world are the first to question me if they think I'm making a mistake, or if they think I'm headed in the wrong direction. Like you said, they don't pass judgment, but they do tell me what they think from their hearts, even if they think I'm being stupid.



Yep. The best friends of my life are people I can relax around and be "me." They've seen all my warts many times, and they realize that my bad qualities are part of what makes me who I am.

I'd add loyalty to the list. To me, that's a key for friendship. And loyalty is where not telling tales, sitting in the jail cell and moving dead bodies together can be found.

since i became a forums mod i don't have any friends.....

1) I have no friends

2) sman! have you seen heather???? they helped cuz she's a cutie and a dollbaby.

Yossarian,

I will be your friend !

Yoss- seek and you shall receive!

You now have 1 friend

1)Me!

2)Embarrassing me!

One who never complains.
One who always likes to greet you.
One who never yells at you.
One who is glad to see you at any time of the day or night.

That`s why I like my best friend, Chance, My Golden Retriver

Friends, wasn't that a TV show?

1. Trust.

2. Don't pass judgement.

3. Keeps your darkest secrets.

4. Helps you move.

5. Bails you out of jail.

6. Loyal.

7. Doesn't make moves on your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend.

8. Supports you.

9. Loves you.

10. Exccepts you for who you are.

Very Interresting

I think, since we are all human, and disappoint one another all the time, that a good attribute to have is forgiveness. To be a good friend, you need to be forgiving. And, a good friend will forgive you as well.

My best friends are those who stand by me through thick and thin (and I've had a lot of down times lately!), don't pass judgement, and if we get into a disagreement they don't hold a grudge.

Naomi,

I hope things are going well now !

A true friend is one who will not use their knowledge of you against you.

A true friend tells you the truth, even if it hurts your feelings :-)

Thanks, they're on the upswing...

I hope

I had an online friend loan me $1000 once when I was in college... we'd known each other for a couple years but never met. To me, she had a lot of trust in me. (I paid her back)

Anyways, I have this childhood friend... we've been friends since we were 5. Whenever I needed help with something, he always had an excuse of why he couldn't help. When he had a girlfriend, she was always #1 priority over his other friends. When he was married, again, we never saw him. When he got divorced, he called us all the time wanting to do stuff. When he met another girl, we never heard from him.

Recently he asked me to help him move and I told him I was busy. He sent me a text message telling me how good of a friend I was.

I laughed.

I love the guy, but you reap what you sow.

I have a friend that I've known since elementary school. We've always been close, but the past five or six years whenever we talk on the phone it's always about her problems, her this, her that...I can't get a word in edge-wise! I've grown so tired of it, it's just worn me out. I find I don't make the effort to keep in touch anymore.

I do this sometimes.

I get so wrapped up in my own drama that I forget to toss it aside and ask how my friends are doing. We can all be selfish sometimes. We're human.

Instead of throwing the whole friendship out the window, maybe try some not-so-subtle hints.

Yes. Like hey STFU! I wanna talk about me!!!

I guess you could be more subtle but why beat around the bush

I guess after 5 years of her hemming & hawing, I'm tired. But I'm not totally throwing it away...just taking a little break!

Bail is for those who have been charged but not yet tried nor proven guilty. What you say amounts to you convicting and sentencing them before a Judge and jury have even done so. Bail is set to provide for some assurance that the person will show up for trial, not a punishment for being found guilty of anything.

Bailing someone out is simply a kind deed for someone you most likely believe to be innocent. It's not the same as lying on the stand in order to get them off.

You can only pray your friends don't take the same attitude one day if you are ever falsely accused of something and sitting somewhere hoping somebody will pay your bail so you can get out of jail until you get the chance to prove your innocence in court.

Yeah, that kinda cuts you out of #2, #6 and #8 of Un's list. Might want to rethink that one, SweetLib.

Naomi... I have a friend with the same prob... it's always about HER drama.

I've just learned to limit my time with her. We still talk, but not as frequently. I've just kinda emotionally removed myself from it all.

Anyway... back to the original topic... real friends help you move DEAD BODIES! It's all about the corpses, folks.

That said, here's an example:

Say I had a friend, convicted of a crime, but innocent of the deed (a la The Fugitive).

If it were a true friend (of which I have about 2), I would hide them in my basement and lie to the police. (Sorry, LE folks here! LOL)

If it were just a friend (of which I have about 2), I'd give them some money and send them on their way. I might still lie to the police, depending on the situation.

That's the difference between a friend and a true friend.

However, don't come to my door looking for fugitives! LOL Hubby is the most law-abiding citizen I know. Aside from driving over the speed limit, I don't think he's ever committed a single crime. He'd never let me stow a fugitive in the basement.

I would definitely post a friend's bail...

as long as I have the funds available!

i wouldnt put up bail for anyone, they knew better befor they did the crime.

What if they are innocent?

It happens...believe me!

Whatever happened to being innocent until proven guilty? Gee, I'm glad I don't count tagout among my supposed "friends". I think maybe sweetlib just didn't realize what (s)he was saying.

I have three people in my life that i consider my best friends.


1. My number one friend is my Son, this little guy has taught me more in the past six years than what some others have been taught in a life time. He gave me a purpose to lay my head down at night and pick it up in the morning. When things get tough and i'm stressing i look at things through his eyes, than it looks so simple. I ask him out on dates ( he loves this ) i let him pick where he want's to eat, he alway's picks Burger King , he likes to get the food to go so we can sit and watch the traffic, he's into Hummers so we watch for one to go by as we eat. On one of our dates we was talking about School, he said " Mommy i get tired of the girls running after me, i can't play with my friends " I said " Oh one day one of those girl's might become your girlfriend " Bless his little heart he said " Mommy you are the only Girlfriend i will ever have " I will never forget that as long as i live.

2. I have an older Sister who i love so much ! Her and I are very tight. We both have full trust in each other, we respect each other, we never judge each other. She know's my deepest darkest secrets, i know hers, i will take them to my grave! She is a beautifull person inside and out........

3. My Mother, I love my Mom with all my heart and soul ! She is my everything, i can't say enough about her. Mom has such a peacefull spirit, her voice is so soothing and calm. God I LOVE Mom..


So those are my best friends. They know my heart which i feel is way more important than looks any day. They take me when i'm having a bad hair day, or if my teeth would trun black and fall out, or if i'm happy, no matter what when or how they are by my side ! I LOVE all three, but all in different way's............

So where does your husband rank? did he crack the top 10?

He fall's in there some where i just haven't figured that one out yet.

My husband is my best friend. Above all others.

Next is a guy pal of mine. He's the one I'd hide in my basement.

After that... well... most folks fall somewhere on the continuum:

Acquaintance.............Pal...............Friend..............True Friend

Oh well then I guess you are truly nobody's true friend. I'm sorry I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.

I apologize for being nice -you apparently didn't deserve it and don't appreciate it. Guess I learned my lesson there.

You may have helped many many people - I'll take your word for it. But as you admit, you've only got 2 friends, and neither of them apparently close enough that you'd even bail them out of jail if they were falsely accused since that's apparently someone else's job.

Your excuse for not being more willing to help out even your friends is that you've kept score and found you're not getting as good as you're giving. Sorry, but to me that's just plain selfish. I was taught that giving doesn't really count if you demand something in return.

It could be a matter of her trust being violated in the past.

Or she could be exactly like my first wife, who never could ever do anything for anyone without expecting something in return. She drove me crazy with her accounts of how she did this and that for so and so, and they never did enough in return. She couldn't understand how I could even THINK of just giving something to someone, or doing something for someone, without keeping close accounts of whether they had reciprocated. To me it was what I had been taught my whole life - selfess giving with no strings attached - growing up in a Chrisitan home. To her, I was just being... as I guess sweetlib would put it, a sucker.

I'll tell you what though - I have hardly ever LOANED anyone any money, or at least not enough to worry about whether it was going to be repaid. If I can't afford to just give it away, whatever it is you're talking about, I generally just won't give it, period.

How many of you would like your friend to be your lover ? My lover, aka DH, IS my best friend. And I think that's the best way to have a successful marriage. For me, the ONLY way.

If yes, do you think it would work ? Works for us.

Or would you rather keep them as your friend so you don't lose them ? Funny... DH and I were best friends for a long time--9 years!--before we became lovers. It was a completely platonic friendship. Before we took the plunge, we wrestled with it. We both worried that, if things didn't work out, our friendship would perish. Fortunately, it worked it. But it was a real concern for us.

How many of you have lost a friend this way ? Never. DH was the first time I did that kind of thing.


If this is a TRUE friend--the kind that'll move dead bodies with you--I recommend thinking long and hard about it. Only do it if you can't imagine spending your life without him. If he's as vital to you as the air you breathe. And if no other man will ever make you happy.

Just my 2 cents.

PF, how did you & your DH meet?

I love your story...true love and best friends!

I agree with BMIC 100% ! Not that i don't here what your saying sweets because i do, but those friends that didn't pay you back don't write them off chalk it up as a learning experience and set limits with them. If they ever ask you for money again than you can say in a nice way " I have the money and would love to help you out, but you still owe me money from the last time " That put's the ball in their court. It's called being truthfull..............

Just my 2 cent's

We actually ran with the same crowd in high school. Still very close friends with most of those folks, too... we all hang out on a semi-weekly basis. And I'm 30+ years old, too. Funny how things happen, isn't it?

That's great! I didn't stay close with my friends in high school. We all kinda went our separate ways.

Exactly - that's the only true and honest reply you can give in that case.

I've known some really nutty passive-aggressive types who would just never speak to you again, or give you b.s. excuses, or even play silly games like avoiding you or gossiping about you instead of simply being honest and straightforward about ther own inability to give without strings attached.

Well I have found out who my true friends are recently. My husband and I separated and my business took a nose dive all in the past 4 months. It hit so hard I had to ask my Dad for money to get groceries and I never had to do that anyhow, there was only a few that stood by me and tried to give me a hand and well for the others that I was always there for when they needed a place to live or money or a shoulder, they can kiss my A@%

MY male friends eeeeew ! friendship is as far as I want it to go.