WASHINGTON COUNTY, MD - Should divorced fathers automatically get equal custody of their children? That's what one group is fighting for. They held a rally outside a Washington County courthouse Tuesday.

Honk for father's rights was the theme as a small group gathered outside the courthouse to shed light on what they say are unfair child custody decisions that favor women.

"This old-fashioned nonsense that the mothers should strictly have custody, that's hurting our country," says Edward Taylor, Jr. of the Father's Rights League.

The Maryland Father's Rights League is working with delegates Kevin Kelly and Leroy Meyers to pass legislation in the next session that will mandate shared physical and legal custody.

Under current law, custody is based on a number of factors, but the Father's Rights League says the courts generally favor mothers.

Taylor adds, "I'm not here promoting custody for the father. We want shared custody, shared parenting, 50/50. They're with the father half the time, and with the mother half the time.

Some critics of shared parenting bills, like the National Organization For Women, say the legislation could be used by deadbeat dads to get out of paying child support.

However, dads at Tuesday's rally say the bills are needed to protect them from routine ways of awarding custody that don't give them a fair share. "I've had my daughter significantly removed from my life. Standard visitation is a norm throughout the United States.

There are 720 hours a month. Standard visitation allows a parent only 80 hours a month to visit with their children," says Fred Schermerhorn of West Virginia Men and Women Against Discrimination.

The Father's Rights League hopes to make the exception by raising awareness and with new legislation.
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The men finally take a stand, which is good I think.
If the father want be able to visit their children, the father should be able too.

As a woman, I know all to well, how some women can just be down right hateful.
Do they ever really think what's best for the children, most of the time NO!
All they want to do is get back at the father, without thinking what's it going to do the the children.

Shared physical custody? That's just nuts. Who wants to live two different places? A kid like anyone else should only have to live one place, not jump back and forth between two homes. I would hate that.

My advice to fathers is this - don't divorce your kid's mother. Don't marry a woman who will divorce you. Kids shouldn't have to pay the price because you cannot get a long with their mother.

we have shared custody of my stepson shawn, but we see him on weekends, so that he can have a more stable home life. we have a great relationship with his mother and stepfather ( who have been married for 9 years now.. shawn is 11) he has 3 younger siblings at that house who are used to having him around. to make him live in 2 different places would just be NUTS. i realize not all divorced parents could get along, but my goodness, at least try to work something out that doesnt involve making the kid a transient!

also, what if the parents live in different school districts?

That's a good point. I didn't even think about that.

I would think that if a kid was forced to constantly jump from home to home just because mom and dad didn't get along, the kid would grow to resent the parent that made them do that. I know I would.

Obviously you are NOT married right?

Guess I see things a little different.

Once I got divorce my ex-hubby, cut out the children from his life all together. That was his choice.
In my case, I would have rather had the father had share custody then the darn child support.

How on earth do you teach your son how to be a Man, when your his mother?????
No wonder so many boys act like "Sissy".

It should factor in, "What The Children Want, as well?"

Last time I checked, It takes to two people to make a marriage work, not one.

There are fathers out here that would give anything to see their children more then they do.
But are the allowed, NO. Why, because of the mother feelings towards the ex. Plain and Simple.

No, I'm married. We just celebrated our 9 year anniversary.

Everything just short of getting along with the woman they married.

yeah but that's the downside of divorce. you can split a marriage in half, but you cant split a kid. yes fathers should be able to see their kids often, and be a big part of their lives, BUT i dont think a kid should have to physically live in two different houses. that's rough.

kids are kids. the should not be pawns or bargaining chips.

and yes it takes two to make a marriage work, but if you're divorced obviously the marriage didnt work at all. that isnt the kids fault.

like i said, we DO have 50/50 custody, but we let shawn live with his mother, because when she and my husband first divorced they were 17 years old, and shawn was not even a year old. then his mother remarried long before brad and i, and had 3 other kids. that is a more stable environment for a child than to live with a single man who went to school all day then worked nights which is what my husband was doing at the time. he got used to living with his mother and stepfather and seeing us on the weekends. now that he's older and we have a daughter too, we had thought about switching up the living arrangements, but all the proffesssionals we consulted said that if he's not haveing problems where he is now, that we should just stick to the way things were working.

like i said, we get along VERY well with the other set of parents,a nd we make sure that both houses have the same rules for shawn. we both go to parent teahcer conferences, feild trips etc. we both ground him when he's bad, and reward him when he's good. his friends come over to both houses, and we both do doctors appointments etc. he calls all 4 of us "mom and dad".

they live in mercersburg, so that IS a different school district for us. also, his other brothers and sisters would miss him TERRIBLY if he all the sudden was gone for half the week. he walks them home from school, and is the "big brother" of the house. since those kids have lived with shawn all their lives, i think it would terribly upset them to go ripping yet another household apart.


there are plenty of ways to share in a kids life without making them move every 3 days. divorce is NEVER an ideal situation, but i think the well-being of the kids involved should be considered first. i understand that not everyone can work out a situation like we have, there are extenuating circumstances that are in no way my business. but at least everyone could TRY to find some way to make it work, where the moms and dads are both involved, but the kid can have a fairly stable life.

Congrats your a lucky man. fortunately ive been with mine for 15 now but there are some men who marry with the best of intentions only to find that the woman they married turned into something else. i wouldnt advocate anyone stay in an unhealthy relationship just for their childs sake. believe it or not the kid ALWAYS knows when mommy and daddy hate each other

That statement could go both ways. Both men and women, have the best of intentions.

Only reason I'm divorce is that he cheated, to many times to count. How long should a woman put up with that?
We never really fault, here I thought I was going to be married until I died. I'm a very strong believer on marriage.
But you can make some one love.

I use to tell my mother, I don't know what I would do without him. Seems so silly now.

Just thinking about it still hurts me to this day, and that was almost 11 years ago.
Those 11 years, my children been without a real father.
And I haven't been in any kind of relationship since.

you are absolutely correct SL2U. It goes both ways. i'm sure when you married him you never thought you would end up divorced. things happen though and sadly I think the divorce rate is over 50% now.

I just don't think a kid should have to shuttle back and forth between two homes when their parents split up. That's what these fathers are advocating. Shared physical custody. A kid like anyone else should have one home, not two. It's not the kids fault the parents couldn't stay married.

I've been married for 17 years now. I agree with Samy0 there are men and women <Samy0> that marry with the best intentions only to find out that the man or woman turned into someone else.

The child/children suffer if you stay or if the Parents decide to divorce. It don't matter what age the child/children are it has a huge impact on there lifes eather way. They don't understand why the two people they look up to and love are departing.

There is always one person in the marriage who get's hurt there is many different stages of emotions before and after the Divorce. The child/children often go through the same emotions even if the Parents try to explain.

Than BANG the custody battle begins. Who suffers again? The child/children. And yes children alway's know when the parents aren't getting along.

Even though I've never been divorced, am not a child from a "broken family", and have no kids, I'd like to weigh in on this issue too. I think part of this fathers' group's protest stems from the fact that our court system usually awards primary custody to the mother, even when the father is better equipped to care for the children. I've known of three completely separate male friends, all dads, who applied for custody and were denied even though they could provide a more stable home environment, had better jobs, gave most of the care to the children during the marriage before it ended, and were psychologically accessed to be the better parent for the kids to live with. The judges decreed that they were putting the kids with the mom because, basically, "she's the mom and the kids should stay with the mom". It was unfair to the dads, but really unfair to the kids. I think that the judge should consider each custody situation on its own, not go into it with the mindset that the kids should automatically go with mom unless she's a blatant criminal or something. If they started looking at each case this way, then many more fathers would have primary custody than right now, and that would be the appropriate thing to happen. Not automatic 50/50 custody (which as someone else said would make kids feel too transient, esp. if parents were more than a few miles apart).

Or britney Spears

Like Clever, I am not divorced, have no kids and not from a "broken" family. But here's my 2 cents (or two bits) worth of thoughts:

1. Cheers to dads who want to be a definite and integral part of their children's lives.

2. Boo to a justice system that so heavily favors mothers. If the system were reversed and it was the father who always got custody, I'm certain NOW would be making a big stink about it.

3. Custody of a child should be based on a variety of factors--ability to spend time with the child, character of the parent, lifestyle, etc. Gender should not be the deciding factor.

4. There are other options in shared custody besides just "passing" the kid back and forth each week. I knew one family where the dad had custody throughout the school year, and mom had custody during the summer. In a way, it made a lot of sense. Although summer is shorter, mom had them all day long as opposed to missing out on those hours when they're at school. During the school year she occasionally took them on the weekends, but there was no set schedule.

There are lots of incidents when the mom gets custody even though she's got a drinking/drug problem, has "boyfriends" in and out of the house, etc. Dad, on the other hand, might be a hard-working, decent type of fellow, but the court just automatically gives the kids to mom. I do think it's an issue that needs to be addressed.

Bentcorner,

I understand what you're saying, but the sad reality is that whenever two parents split up, the children automatically have two homes and a life of shuffling back and forth. Most likely, they also have two sets of parents, four sets of grandparents with zillions of aunts, uncles and cousins that they will divide their time with as well. Divorce is never easy on the children. However, there is alot more involved with shared custody that dads are fighting for. Really good post here!!

I don't know if you have any children, Bentcorner, but if you did and your wife, hypothetically, decided to leave you and file for sole physical and legal custody and won, she would have all the power over the childrens lives. You would not be able to access any of their medical records without her permission. You would not be able to be involved in their school lives if she did not want you to be. She could decide that she really didn't want to deal with your "visits" and move across the country and you may not be able to afford child support payments plus airplane fare for getting you and your children back and forth across the country. Not to mention, that you have a heart attack and are out of a job and no money and behind in child support. You could end up in jail and be in such arrears that you have no way to pay it back. And yet, moms don't have to account for any of the money paid out and can easily sabatoge the father and child relationship and the father can't do a thing about it. And this is all for the "welfare of the children". Can you imagine how a young child must feel when their mother won't allow them to see or talk to their dad? And, dad goes to court and they won't do a thing?. And if the father happens to show the least bit of anger towards the court system or social service system, then he's label as an abusive personality. Never mind that they don't care that the mother is using the children as a weapon to get back at the father. This stuff is going on all the time, and no one is listening. Thank God for these Fathers rights groups. And thank God that parental allienation is becoming more understood and known as child abuse. Men want to father their children. Children need their daddies. The system is horribly broken and needs to be fixed. Change has to happen. I grieve for the father's who have gone through the this and have been beaten down by the system so badly, that they have to give up.

I need to do a blog one day. Everyday, I thank God that my son fought for his son's rights. There are also grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...... on the father's side that get cut out of their God given rights to love their own. I also thank God that we were able to pay the lawyer (with help from a special person) and that our lawyer saw how unfair the system was and bent way over backwards for us and didn't charge us anywhere near what he could have. Most fathers can never afford the legal fees. We certainly couldn't have if we hadn't had help. Our lawyer saw how much my son loves his son and has gone through hell himself because he fought for us. So sad. I could go on and on. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about all that we had to go through just to have our grandson in our lives. He is a miracle and we all love him dearly. Had sole custody gone to the mom at that time, I don't think she would have allowed us in his life. Things are fine now and both parents live close which does make it easier.

I also agree with CD that there are many ways to split up the time spent with mom and dad. But, the court system is still operating as if all moms are stay at home moms and depend on dad for their income. Not true anymore. Giving mom all the power undermines the parental responsibilities of the dad and reduces him to a dollar bill.

If parents knew that shared custody was the norm...the starting point..... they may be more civil and try to work out something for everyone from the very beginnings of separation. Too often, the one parent gets mad, usually mom and knows that the courts will side with her and she can get a paycheck out of it too. Too many abuse the power awarded in sole custody. Dads are treated as a pay check and of course, the state makes lots and lots of money on child support which I believe, is a true case of conflict of interest if there ever was one. For those moms out there that are making the best of a difficult situation and allowing the children the freedom to love all their family members, I thank you. Pls spread the word. There are many moms and step-moms also involved in the rights of children.

Both my son and his ex wife have realized that the best interest for the child is to allow him access to either as much as he desires. My son has custody 3days per week and one of those days is Saturday. All his exwife has to do is give him a call and say she wants to take the baby out to a festival for a few hours and that's fine. Sometimes my son will call her and ask if he could come over on a Wednesday and play outside in the yard with his son or take him for ice cream. If she doesn't have any other plans, then it's fine. They both realize how much their child loves them both. And the more children and parents are taught to care (and let go of their own anger) the more stable the child will be. Doesn't matter if he is living in a tent, it's more the relationship and attitude of the parents that provides the stability. NOt a physical place.

Bein this was my second marriage 12 1/2 years of my life.
Nope divorce was the furthest from my mine. I was happy, guess he wasn't.
Instead of being true to one, he wanted 21 women. That's okay.

I don't see what the problem is really, of a father sharing custody with their own child. If the children don't mine, then what's the big deal? Why not let the children decide then? What is it, share 50/50 and the woman won't get child support. Have a backbone and get a job and make some money.

I would have did share custody in a heartbeat. But I couldn't force the father to come and see his own children. With me it wasn't about, child support or anger or hate. It was about my children spending time with their father. Like he should have been more then willing to do. But he walk out of their lives forever, never to look back.

My father died when I was very young and I know what it's like not having a father around. I sure didn't want that for my children, but it happen. I beg and pleaded with him to come see his children. And if he would, he could keep the child support money, I didn't need it. Well that didn't work either.

I'm almost middle age and I heard enough horror story's about, Mother's not letting the Father's see their own children. It just isn't fair at all, not in my book. How do they think the children feel, not be able to see their father? Some mother's feel their children heads up with a bunch of BS, it isnt funny. That's the truth. I happen to know a few women like that and it make me mad as heck.

This was long over due, for a Father to stand up for their right to be a Parent. I support them 100%
Who the one that should say, What's Best For The Children? The Mother? The Father?
It should be base on a over all veiw of both Parents. A outsider should decide, someone that's netural.

If there was Share Custody, we wouldn't be having all these so called, Dead Beat Dads, now would we.
All they want to do is make sure, the money is spent on their children. Yea, I hear that story too.

If the Mother's would let the Father's see their children, You wouldn't have Father's fighting for their right to be a Parent.

I agree with a lot of what Checkingin say's.

I've been married 25 years and if we decided to split up, considering the type of man I married, I'd definately share custody, however I read of a case not too long ago that I think we'd go with - THE PARENTS MOVED!

Yep, each week/month/whatever, the parent would move BACK to the family home. The KID stayed in the home full-time and each parent had their own apartment. You'd have to have a bit more money that I have to be able to afford 1.5 homes, but the kid was stable and happy - that's what mattered.

I have NEVER met my sperm-doner. He and my mother were married for 3 years before she became pregnant with me. He left before I was born and never looked back - no visitation, no Christmas/Birthday presents/cards, no support - Mom said if he didn't want me than she didn't want his damn money. She did it all, got a great job and raised me (with help from aunts, uncles, grandparents - you know, the BIG IRISH FAMILY thing. I only "missed" having a father when I was at friends' houses, I was AMAZED when their dad would come home from work and kiss their mom - WOW! But I was a bit of an "outsider" in my neighborhood. Back in the 60's a divorced white woman with no husband and a not-quite-white child made for some interesting conversation, but I was blessed with a wonderful family, great church and the knowledge that I was "special" (maybe that's why I'm so damn confident and a bit pushy now).

Sperm-Doner died when I was 12 (little police action in Vietnam - remember?), and I didn't get to meet his side of the family until I was 30 and had my own kids. All 9 of my sperm-doner's siblings, and his mother (grandpa died) have welcomed me with open arms. Funny thing - when I met my grandmother for the first time, the first thing she said to me (after the bear-hug and kisses), was "You're white!". That's something I had NEVER heard before from folks in my own community. But there is love all around me now and that's what matters.

So folks, a child from a "broken" family CAN and DO grow up to be "normal" - if you consider me normal, that is.

I had a bit of "drama" with a poster recently, some of you are aware of it, and the one person who made me stop crying and start praying for the poster is my 1/2 brother (who I have never met, but talk with on-line almost every day). We're the same color and he's already been thru all this BS from his community, so he was a great mentor, even though he's younger.

Bottom line - no situation is perfect, but we have to make the best of every situation. I'm glad AND sad about the whole "divorce, no visit" past, but as the old saying goes "What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger".

Kudos to the men who want to "get stronger".

Sermon and Confessional over.

Little off topic.

Wow, Jels, now I understand why you were crying. Glad to hear that you're doing better. It must be scary when you read/ hear such hateful comments. I never realized how much terror prejudice can cause until I went through this custody ordeal.

The whole system was against us, just because of my son's gender. When the Powers that Be aren't viewing the situation in a fair manner, it's scary. I was so fearful that we would lose our first grandson forever because no one with any power to help was doing so. They were siding with the mother and her intentions were to never allow us in the child's life. I had panic attacks if I saw a baby on tv. It was that terrifying. And that was only a one time thing in my life. Meaning I didn't have to live with it once justice was served. I had a little taste of what minority groups must feel like many times during their lives. Wish more people could understand that. When I read about teens putting nooses up in trees, and the law making light of it, I think how wrong that it. That noose is a terrrorist statement. In general, white people don't have to deal with this kind of horror in their lives and don't fully understand how terrifying it can be. So, I applaud you for your honesty, and glad you have a healthy family to remind you that you are unique.....or is it unbelieveable...

yo jels, thanks for sharing. <3

sounds like you managed a beautiful family despite all the BS thrown at you. good job, friend!

Actually, non-custodial parents (fathers) do have an absolute right to their children's records; including school records, medical records, and any other material that would keep track of their lives. Also, if the custodial parent wishes to move the children out of state, a hearing can be requested by the non-custodial parent over the matter.

Non-custodial parents DO NOT give up their rights to their children nor their children's information. The custodial parent may try to block all this, but court orders may be issued in favor of the non-custodial parent.

The only way a non-custodial parent would give up any parental rights would be to agree to an adoption process. Sole and legal custody may be granted only over truly unusual circumstances, such as the non-custodial parent having been a convicted pedaphile.

Custodial parents (mothers) frequently will attempt to thwart the non-custodial parents rights, but a court will say otherwise.

But like my lawyer once told me, "Mr. *******, if Mrs. ******* doesn't want you to see the children, you won't." And, unfortunately, what the lawyer said has turned out to be true. And I really have no recourse. But I still get school and medical records.

This subject touches many many lives, look around you.
How many people do you know, that are divorce and fighting over the children.

It's a never ending battle of the sexes and children.
Who's the fit parent, Who should have custody.
Where should the children live. How much child support, they should pay?

Is it so wrong that a Father want more time to spend with their own child/children.
Is it so wrong, they want to share custody, just so they can be more involved in the child life as well.
There are father's out here that truely care about their own child/children.

Just because the woman give birth to that child. Doesn't mean that she should have 100% custody all the time.
I see, what the first thing that comes out of someone mouth. The father's are trying to get out of
paying child support. Maybe some, but I'm sure not all are like that. Some may only want to make
sure, their child is getting what they need. Instead of mommy spending the money or whatever they please.

There's no amount of money that could replace, A Father's Love for their own child/children.
Not having a Father around is harder then some may realize. Some people just don't have a clue.

(Little Note for Jelsey) I wouldn't pay attention to what some old man said.
He'll be the one in Hell, for treated people so badly. I often heard people lose
their marble's after being in a war. Maybe he done lost his marble's, a long time ago. It's possible.

Twenty five years ago I went through a very lengthly, ugly, and expensive custody battle. I eventually won full custody but only after my daughter, who was 12 at the time, was sexually assaulted in her new home.

Even though each individual case is different the system has a built-in bias in favor of the mother. IMO the laws are grossly unfair to the father AND to the children involved. My daughter wanted to live with me but her opinion wasn't considered.

It's amazing how that anger can come back so quickly even after 25 years.

Thanks for that info, Yoss. But, it's a shame that a father has to be the one always going back to court. Most can't afford that. I know they can represent themselves but it is stressful.

How so true that is, Each case is different.

Idiot, I don't know if your a man or woman.
Not that it makes much of a difference. (Just wondering)
So I could know what point of view your coming from.

btw, How your daughter now? Good I hope.

That's why these father's need to speak up for themselves.
It shouldn't be one rule, one law fits all custody issue's.

We women got enough mouth to speak up for our rights.
Is it that unbelieveable for the men to finally speak up for their rights?
After all times are changing, more so then ever.

This is just heartbreaking all around.

"Now I'm a man... I spell M-A-N... man."


It's an old Yardbirds tune.





She's doing great now, thanks for asking. She lives in Santa Fe with my grandson.

Dunno. Should my children have to go to school in one state for half the year and then in another state the other half of the year just to make the court happy? Their bio-donor moved out of state before I did. Also, those laws take into account that women still usually make considerably less money than do men,so we are less able to financially support the children; and we are usually the ones who do all the maintenance care before the divorce. Also, had my former spouse kept his fists to himself and had he not vented his rage on our children, who ranged in age from 8mos to 4 yrs at the time, I would never have filed for divorce. He also never bothers to see his kids, yet still tried to stop me from moving away when I got married again. He didn't go to court to ask for visitation.......HE ACTUALLY WENT TO COURT TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MARRIED AGAIN!!!!!! He was told that I could marry again and move if I wanted to!!!!! Now.................why should I kiss his gluteous maximus? I guess maybe I am being difficult by getting on with my life. Yeah, the children are involved, but I had trouble finding him to let him know I was moving. Since he is opposed to paying child support, I can almost never find him. He is not the only male who does this crap. I am not saying that women never do these things, but it is much more common with men.

SS- How did you ever let that keeper go? He sounds like a gigantic jacka$$. You should have your new hubby take him out back and kick the snot out of him

It was hard, SamyO! He was put in jail for beating up on the kids and on me, and at that point, I realized how enjoyable life is w/o someone whose personality is chemically maintained coming home and creating havoc. So I didn't take him back. Unfortunately, the court in Jefferson County thinks that I was being simply terrible to him by making a decision favoring fewer cracked ribs for me and fewer emergency room visits for the kids and everyone has it in for me because 7 years later, I married a person whose home is not in WV. New hubby would love to pound the crap out of him, but we see that as more violence.............could we have gotton old during the last 7 yrs????? And.....believe it or not, we both wish Mr. Domestic Violence would change his ways and try visiting the kids for a change. Maybe not to take them back to the tristate area after not seeing them for 4 years, but just let them know that they are important enough to make an effort to visit them and meet their teachers........but....I doubt if he will........

Ok you all going to get me going aren't you?
I do agree with the fact that men in general get the shaft when it comes to court. And when it comes to the Man having custody why can't they're be some serious investigation's done before either party is awarded custody of a child. There are more case's then you know where neither parent is fit to be a parent. The mother is nothing more then a prostitute, stripping and pawning the kids on whom ever to watch them whiles she's out having a good time and collecting the father's court ordered child support. Then you have the Father that sit's behind the scenes and does nothing but hide from his obligation's because deep down he know's the truth of how his children are being treated and their's not a darn thing he can do except for shut his mouth drink and get high. Gee now their's a good Father figure. AAAAHHHHH But then again so is the saint of a Mother correct???
So what do you do? Here you have children that are left to fend for them selves the older one feeding and tending to the younger ones' at only 7 year's old, and being left alone for hour's on end to watch the younger one's. And then when the Father get's his visitation he get's a raft of crap thrown at him or very bluntly the mother show's up and steeles the kids from his home while their there on the visit because she had somewhere to go out of town and wouldn't be home in time to be there for the father to return them. But Oh no all that's ok. So who's left? The commuinity, Foster Care, Grandparent's? AAHHHH there you have it. The good old grandparent's theyopen thier wallet's shell out an un Godly amount of Money to protect and keep the children safe and out of harms way correct? After all that's the Grandparent's job right? So to the Father's Right's where in the hell is the system that is to protect the children. Sure ain't DSS that's a freakin joke. Sure ain't the court's cause you know the judge's are all for the "wonderful, delightful MOMMIES" No matter how much of a dope dealing scum bucket Prostitute she is. (FACT) So when the grandparent's aren't available to care for the child where do these kids go? Let me tell you this state is totally for anything called MOMMY or DADDY, or shall I say a Mother or a Father cause it's not about being a mommy or being a Daddy most of them don't know how to be that, but they sure love the act of being a Mother or a Father. It's takes a lot more then birth right's to be a PARENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wife and I have been married for 23 year's not all good one's like anyother marriage we've had our fair share of up's and down's. But we've alway's put our children before us. Their need's, Their love, Thier concerns were alway's before us. We took the back burner 100% of the time. Countless times during our down times we'd do without even food so that our children would eat. But that's ok we've made it. Our conflict's with each other got settled without the abuse, did we argue? Oh you bet we did and I'm sure we will again. (let me think of a good one, make up love is the best)
The grandparent's are left countless hour's with the grandchildren, weeks upon end with them and without any money or need's being given to them for keeping them but oh let's not forget "Mommy" stops by to visit and brings them ice cream. OMG Say it ain't so. Meanwhile the Grandparent's life is now placed on hold and fending for little ones that can't fend for themselves. But God forbid when the Grandparent's put thier foot down and start's to take and force the parent's to pay something you know what happens? Let me tell you. The court awards the Father the custody and then still include's the Mother in there life. Why????????? It's because of the law's of Maryland. A Person that makes a child is the proper FIT parent. Teaching the kid's how to smoke a joint, by allowing them to watch him, giving the child Beer, and teaches the kid to have total disrespect to anyone other then Him the state feels He's the right person. Well sorry but the law's need changed drastically. I'd take a stab and say that 85% of most cases here in washington county should be seriously looked into too. Dss child protection division needs to be completely turned over every person working there should be replaced from someone from outside the commuinity.
If you want changes to bennifit a child you first have to look at the child's needs. Then look at BOTH parent's and I mean really dig hard and show proof of why neither parent is a fit person to be around a child much less have custody. I for one will lobbing the state to change these law's. What ever happened to "No Child Left Behind Act" and the Best Interest Of A Child"? Most of Washington County lawyer's and I said MOST, are worthless and in for money only. They could care less what happens to a child and in fact right down to the court's. In Fact it was said " The judge don't feel that the children's life is at risk " There you have it. The kid must die first before they make a change. Gee What a shock that is.

God Bless all affected by divorce.
My heart goes out to the children and parents who actually want to see each other but who face barriers by others. Best Wishes to all who do the best they can to keep the focus on the kids. I am saddened by stories of good parents who are denied access. I am torn up at parents who abuse or ignore or do not support their kids.

There are so many flavors of divorce, families, and situations. I can not understand every struggle or circumstance. I am sorry for the hard road you face. I tip my hat to all who struggle to do the best they can, I know it must be hard...............There are many, many, many sides to divorce. Thanks for sharing your heart felt experiences.
God Bless you all.

My one sister had her one and only child when she and her husband were in their late thirties. My sister spent years in a 6 figure computer job. Her husband is a multi-talented man who runs his own business. They have a beautiful house that he designed himself.

After the birth, my sister said that she couldn't believe that they just discharged her from the hospital and sent she and her husband home. She had no clue how to take care of this little darling that she was caring in her arms.

I gotta agree. Of course, my sister went on to learn to be a great mom. But, it's no easy task. I really think ALOT more emphasis should be on training parents and having positive role models to help them through the hard times. DSS would do well to put more money into Young Father's programs, parenting classes, stress management....... Anyone collects benefits for their children should have to go to these classes. That would be in the best interest of the child, instead of just focusing on collecting money.

Well said, it is amazing how so many parents (myself included) can have grown kids and remember how the first month home w/ the first child was so scary. Again, I salute all who try to do the right thing & are adversely affected by divorce/ and custody issues. Hang in there. All have unique & sometimes painful situations that we may not understand............Family helps and if not available Education & Training is so empowering. Being around others who r making a positive effort helps build support networks when family is not there. A positive shout out to all parents who face these struggles. Thanks most of all for enlightening me & sharing.......Agree w/ checks too, a little education or information for BOTH sides bfore the children arrive, could help the kids.

I guess, Checkingin. Classes like that are ok...........but I think they breed too much conformity in bringing up children. The best way men like my ex can protect their paternal rights is to be good husbands while married. Had my ex been a great husband and wonderful father, I would never have filed for a divorce.

Yeah, I agree Siriun. I guess that was what I was trying to accomplish with classes. Help to encourage good parenting skills. But, you're right. It needs to start before marriage to help become a good spouse, long before the kids get here. At least, in the best case scenario. I think that is one of the reasons why ministers want to meet with couples and have them go through some counseling. To make sure both are ready for the committment.

But, we're all human and mistakes are made everyday. Life is alot more complicated than it was even 20 years ago, IMO.

BTW, blessings in your new marriage and family!

I really don't know why anyone bothers getting married anymore. Besides, marriage is to the point now where it's like getting your honey's name tattooed on yourself: if you do it, chances are you'll break up. What's the big deal, anyway?




I mean besides the whole religion thing. Living in sin suits me well.

Aside from the symbolic commitment, there are benefits that are only available to your spouse. Just shacking up with somebody won't let you share health insurance, etc. with your partner. Religion had nothing to do with me getting married.

Ty for the congrats, Checkingin.

Is it just divorced fathers who are rallying, or do they allow mere "break-up" fathers, too? I guess to a small child, the presence of a legal marriage and a piece of paper might not be that important, as a legal marraige does not guarentee that two people actually are compatible and belong together. But for me, marriage is a statement to the community expressing my intentions.

This could be a whole nothing thread, Heather. There's nothing greater in any relationship than trust and faithfulness. And both work best with committment. Marriage is alot of work and it's so easy to become neglectful of a spouse. But, it can almost always be revitalized if both parties want it to. I think our culture has lost it's way when thinking of marriage. So many think it the pursuit of happiness. But, if you look at it that way, when it gets really hard, then people will bail out easily. That committment can force you to stay and find a way to work it out. (I am not talking about abusive relationships. I'd be the first to tell you to get out!) And if you want to be loved, you're setting yourself up for failure there too. Soon as he/she is not as attentive as you like, you want out. Committment changes your attitude and love makes you look at the other person and say "how can we work this out".

There have been times in our marriage when I just wanted to get another identity and start all over again. (maybe a cloistered nun!! with a great garden out back! hee hee) . But, there was no one else in this whole world that I love more than my hubby and I started to see that I didn't want to go on without him. We both started to see that when life became too stressful, we started taking it out on each other. Looking at each other like we're enemies. When we realized that the circumstances were the "enemy" and we could face them side by side, our attitudes changed. We've been married almost 30 years and the rewards of sticking it out are great. He is my best friend and confidant. There is no one else I love as much. Our kids are grateful that we stuck it out. They know it was never easy!! It is a full time job. Life is weird that way. Gotta work hard to appreciate things and grow. Since it takes two to do this, it is never easy. I am not a believer in a "soul mate". I think we have to look at ourselves and see how we can become the best spouse we can be. And respect each other first. No sense in being nice to everyone all day, just to come home and dump on the spouse. Start at home. I tell my kids this all the time. Don't treat me like dirt then go out and be the best friend out there. Start at home. Make it a priority. It's soooo worth it!

::checkingin gets off the pedestal now::

Is this really true? I've been married to my wife now for nine (9) years and it is probably the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. My life with her seems as natural as the air I breath. It's incredibly easy being married to her. On the other hand, I could not imagine my life without her. To say that it would be extremely hard to not have her in my life is an understatement.

I was married before and it wasn't so great. I was extremely young and dumb and I married the wrong woman. Life with her was a constant struggle. Not only was my marriage with her hard work, it was impossible. In retrospect, I don't know what I was even thinking.

I`ve been married 41 years. It has to have it`s give and takes to make it work. We have arguements. We say whats on our minds and work it out. Most of the time we just drop it and go on.

Let's get your wife on her and hear her side!! just joking! So nice to hear someone say they love being married to their spouse. Makes me smile, Bent! Happy for you.

Did I hear (read) someone on here comparing marriage to the "pursuit of happiness"?! Don't get me wrong------I love my husband, and I love being married to him--------but marriage and the "pursuit of happiness" are two completely different civil entities!! You guys are too much!

Go back and reread it, Siriun. You misunderstood. I totally agree with you!

Nah..........I didn't misunderstand it! It's just that mentioning marriage in same sentence with pursuit of happiness...well.....that's funny! Not that the two are completely unrelated...but....I guess that was a great way to describe what's wrong with a lot of marriages. Thinking that marriage IS the pursuit of happiness.................................Now this thread is quite derailed from it's original subject.