Ok,
I am the noncustodial parent of two children. I wana have the kids up here with me for the summer. Thier mother seems to be ok with this. I work second shift so how do I go about finding day care for hours like 3pm - 11:30sometimes 1:30am?

APPLES FOR CHILDREN may be a safe place to start, it cross references a lot of other available lists, postings, and ads. It is a non-profit early care and education advocacy organization. Provides information for providers, volunteers, parents and employers. If they do not have a good range of 3 to 11 providers they can probally direct you to other sites/resources. Word of mouth and registered will be a factor for good results.

Good Luck, I lived in Vegas and needed 3 to 11 care, been there & done that. It was very hard. I found a great Family Child Care Provider thru a similar site. In this area it might be thru a family or community contact.
Best Wishes, its wonderful to have Mom and Dad in the picture, your child will do great. Hang in there.

APPLES FOR CHILDREN ( Washington, Allegany, & Garrett Counties)
6 West Washington Street
Suite 210
Hagerstown, Maryland 21740
Main: 301-733-0000
LOCATE: 1-800-924-9188 in Allegany & Garrett Counties
LOCATE: 301-733-6914 in Washington County
Web:http://www.applesforchildren.org
Email:apples@applesforchildren.org

This site: Child Care, is a computerized resource and referral database that contains information on all regulated child care in the state of Maryland. Parents can obtain referrals to regulated child care available in their neighborhoods or near their workplaces. These include:
* Family child care * Center-based care facilities * Private kindergartens * Private nursery schools
* Head Start programs * School age programs * Summer camps * Summer programs

You might not be able to find lisenced, qualified childcare for those hours. I had to use daycares for my kids for seven years, and let me tell you, quality childcare is very hard to find. Also, you are smart to start looking now, because you will encounter waiting lists.

This will be very hard unless you happen upon a very special person who wants to help you out - often a relative or family friend.

Will you still be able to spend lots of quality time with the kids when they are awake? Do they want this as well? All things to consider...

Good providers are always hard to find. When I was married and we needed full time care for the little ones I fully remember what a pain it was private providers call out sick, up and quit child care etc. The Kids are in Southern maryland and they have a reasonable after school program works great for thier mother's schedule. With this being a temporary summer time arrangement I am fully prepared for it to fail that is why I have not promised the kids that I can do it yet.

OK,
I am considering a summer nanny/Au Pair. Anyone have experience / suggestions?

Did you contact the YMCA? Just get your children on the waiting list. And you know, even though you do not have custody, if anything ever happened in your ex's life that necessited change for that, or temporary change for that (when I was sick, if we had been able to find my ex, he should have been there to temporarily take the kids) you would need daycare. It never hurts to have your children on a couple of waiting lists. Also, their mother should do the same. You never know when frozen pipes or a staff shortage is going to shut your daycare down, and you will need another daycare.

i'd suggest the nanny/au pair.

i don't really have any personal references for you, but i HAVE seen several ads in the franklin shopper and in the nbc25 classifieds for overnight childcare, either in you rhome, or the providers home. i agree that you are wise to start looking now, because if i were going to kleave my kids with someone "non family" i'd want to make sure i knew them VERY well... if that is the route you do end up looking into, i'd suggest asking for contactable references. its one thing to see qualifications on paper... its another to actually speak with parents who have left their kids in the care of a person for extended time periods...

if i catch wind of anything, i'll let you know...


and props for wanting to spend the summer with the kiddos.

I am working this I have about 10 names to contact and have set up some interviews for this week. The deadline for signing them up at summer camp in thier home town is the first week in febuary.

My sister had a au pair, they went thru an agency to provide references/background checks & assessments. She also was fulltime & lived in. Had definite hours on duty & outlined parameters in the home when off duty. It worked out nicely.......A mom's helper, or parent's helper, is also an idea. A little more casual but still requires checks.
It all comes down to what is learned thru background checks, references, experience, or training. And how both sides can meld together in a shared space. Best wishes and good luck.........Deadlines for summer programs are a drag, I remember researching. Each summer it got a wee bit better. It is hard though. Hang in there.
(Wow!, Doug that bed is so cute on the photo page. Your daughter will love it. )

Ok So I gave up on finding second shift daycare. Had a few promising leads but they fizzled out. I asked my boss tonight if he could look into getting me a temporary transfer to day shift. Its only for ten weeks or so. I figure I have changed shifts to accomadate thier projects maybe they can move me to days for ten week to help me out.


Now I need to look at first shift providers. I would guess its too late to find a summer camp. The Ymca programs do not start until 9am. I think I am loosing my mind

Hang in there, it is tough but I bet if you retrace some of the good ideas people posted, you will find some resources to call. Apples for Children may be one stepping stone or referral source. They will be happier to help now that you plan to be on the day shift. Word of mouth could help for a daycare provider during regular hours, maybe someone online could recommend a licensed/verifiable camp their kids have enjoyed.

If you call camps and inquire about extended care or if they know of providers for that stop gap coverage, they will usually give you some names or ideas. Sometimes they actually know the provider and can give you a good feel for certain providers.

Many parents are in the same boat. You might want to focus on a couple viable camps, these can be located at rec centers, churches, or schools, but independently run. Talk to them about what other parents do for before or after care. Sometimes it is word of mouth after you get a couple of names from a camp. Then, hopefully you can string something together.

Like many said, then you have to check references.

Best wishes, you are making a good effort, good luck. I hope all works out.

If your children are under the age of 12, please pm me.

YMCA DAYCARES, not programs, but daycares, start earlier than 9. Call the Y in Frederick.

ok I found someone last night in the HM classifieds she is willing to do 1st or second shift for the summer. I have an interview with her on thursday.

If it doesn't work out, or you would like to interview additional persons - you could try Child Locate Services, which have registered, licensed child care providers... the number is 301-733-6914.

Good luck with the search!

I have already used them and apples

QFE. This was our best option when my kids were little. They had day care before and after the summer camp programs, though some of that may have changed over the years. YMCA was our lifesaver when it came to child care!

Ok thanks for all the help and suggestions. I think I finally got this craziness worked out.

1)I requested and was approved a shift change to first shift for the summer only(only a $2.50hr pay cut)
2) I found a free YMCA sponsored day camp at pangborn park hours 9:30 - 2:30
3) I found someone willing to come to my house watch the kids til day camp and them watch them after Til I get home.(Kinda pricey)


and the bebes momma still wants child support while I have the kids for the summer

Never been in that situation, BUT that seems a bit screwed up. I would think during the time which you have the children, "support" payments should go the other way, or at least stop.

Glad it worked out, sorry it is pricey, bummer. I remember summer was hard with our kids. We had ours at the Y and then a neighbor filled in before and after. Summers were hard.

I am in shock that you will have the kids and the wife can still demand support. I get that some budget the support into their annual household budget. But I do not think it sounds 100% right or rather decent. I had friends in similar arrangements and usually the custodial parent would take a cut when the kids went to the other parents for two entire months. It was just the nice or polite thing to do. Sorry for your situation. I am glad your kids will be happy, and with Dad. YEAH.........You will reap the benefits as they get older and have that bond with you. Enjoy the summer.

Best wishes, you are making so much effort. Your kids will benefit.

Track the number of nights the kids spend with you. Once you hit a certain magic number, it's automatically legally considered joint physical custody and the ex cannot collect any child support.

Of course the minute you or your lawyer points that out, she will refuse to let you have the kids. But that's the law.

It sucks when you're stuck with somebody who won't be reasonable. When exes cannot treat one another reasonably, everyone loses.

I think I know some of your pain. I paid about three times the child support that I was legally supposed to for almost 3 years. It was only when my kids mom and I actually divorced, that suddenly she admitted I had been paying her far more than legally required.

We each had physical custody of one of our two kids, and we did everything exactly according to the state guidelines, with me paying her since I make more than she does, right up to the point that our eldest turned 18.

Since then, for the past two years now. since the only child under 18 lives with me, by the state guidelines she should be paying me support. But has she offered me a single penny? Nope! She thinks it's enough that I no longer have to pay her. I guess she just figures support is never supposed to go from the woman to the man, even if he does provide all of the kid's food, shelter, clothing, etc.

The eldest moved in with me a few months ago, so now I've got both kids - but of course that's beside the point since she is over 18. I just don't have it in me to make demands of their mom. She can barely afford to pay her mortgage. But technically she owes me big time. It's a good thing for her that we're on good terms and I have plenty of money coming in anyway.

That really depends upon the state from which one's court order hails, and the exactly what the order says, BMIC. It really does not matter how many nights the child spends with one parent or the other, joint custody...visitation....sole custody......it's all what the COURT ORDER says.

What I also meant to say but neglected to say was this: child support and custody/visitation are two COMPLETELY different issues, even in the Peoples' Republic of Maryland. If Dougster up and decides on his own, based on how many times he HAPPENED to see his child over the summer holiday, or whenever,to change the amount of child support he pays, he could get himself into a lot of trouble and cause each party and individual involved with his case unecessary trouble. And the bureau of child support cannot collect anything different that what the court order says to collect. And you gotta remember that the custodial parent is not responsible for the way the whole system works and many custodial parents have a few issues with the way the system works, too. It's enough to make one seriously wonder why many the the parties involved in these "irreconcilable differences" divorces don't just try harder to get along with each other and stay out of divorce court in the first place. Is that a lost art?

Did it ever occur to you that family law, from it's infancy in this country, might have been enacted with very deliberate difficulties surrounding divorce just to discourage it? Perhaps it should be harder to get married, as well.

I was citing Maryland's laws and child support guidelines and what my Lawyer told me when I divorced. I was thinking that Dougstermd may be in Maryland, divorced in Maryland and that Maryland's laws would thus apply.

Maryland law defines joint versus sole physical custody by the number of nights spent with each parent. Once sole physical custody is determined to be held by one of the parents, then and only then do they have a legal basis to ask for child support from the other (or to ask the court to force the other to pay if they cannot agree otherwise). The amount of child support is very easily calculated because in Maryland the state guidelines are very clear and unambiguous. Unless you have some truly unusual situation there's even an online calculator you can use.

IMO he should keep his lawyer apprised of the situation and may need to demand a change in the support order to reflect any change in custody that has occurred, but the law in Maryland was as I describe it, at least about 5-10 years ago and according to my Attorney.

The sad part is that if you two are not cooperating with one another, or one of you doesn't understand the law, or just wants to be a PITA, you may have to get a lawyer and go to court to get things adjusted to meet the law every time your situation changes. That's the only time Court Orders are necessary.

In my case, my ex and I agreed that we did not want to pay lawyers and waste time tying up the court system every time one of us got a raise. We agreed to follow the Maryland Child Support Guidelines in real time. Because we were in agreement, there was never a need for any court orders beyond the initial separation agreement. I paid her what she was due based on the State Guidelines, and adjusted it based on their online calculator every time either one of us had a change in pay. It was completely verifiable so we both knew it was fair. The only time that changed was once the eldest hit age 18. At that time and looking at my ex's financial situation I just didn't have the heart to tell her that she was supposed to start paying me support for our youngest.

Every state has guidelines, but in most places, judges can use their own discretion. Even with guidelines, a court order is a court order, and must be followed. It outweighs any guidelines. My ex got away with only paying me 50.00 a month for THREE kids. No state has guidelines mandating that. Even when I was in the hospital and could not work, no one could make my ex pay any more than that, because of the court order.

In Maryland there are limited circumstances where they can deviate from the guidelines. In practice we know there are rogue judges everywhere who screw people over, but that's why we have lawyers and appeals processes. The guidelines define what is considered fair unless there are significant extenuating circumstances.

In any event the definition of sole custody versus joint custody is set in stone. Unless the child spends more than X nights with the mom, she has no legal basis to ask for child support. Visitation however can be ordered by the court and if the court doesn't grant enough nights visitation, the mother could screw the guy over that way. But it's not fair, is my point. If the father is providing more than a certain amount of support directly, in Maryland defined as keeping the kid more than a certain number of overnights, then the law says it's not fair to demand that he pay support.

I suppose people who are interested in screwing one another over to their children's detriment can abuse the court system to get their way. Sadly it only takes one to do this. But good parents whose best interest is in their children's welfare will obey what the laws and guidelines say is fair, and avoid spending all of their money on lawyers. That said I will grant that there are situations where the guidelines don't work best. MY current situation being one. I make enough money and keep my "overhead" expenses low enough to provide for my kids on my own, and their mom cannot afford to pay me what the guidelines currently say she should. So I choose not to pursue a support order or even remind her that she is suposed to be paying me.

The law may say a lot of things, BMIC, but it still does not supercede a court order.

Here's a question, since I did not get my divorce in Maryland, and I have, indeed heard some strange things about recent Maryland court orders concerning custody. If you want to create a different thread to respond, go ahead, since we are off the topic of childcare. If the custodial parent has to maintain room and board for a child, and still has to pay all of the utilities whether the child is at the non-custodial parent for the night or not, why would Maryland reduce the amount of child support?

If the custodial parent got a big raise or the non-custodial parent had their pay cut for reasons beyond their control, then the non-custodial parent's expected contribution to the child's support would decrease.

I still believe that Judges have to obey the law. Maryland statute establishes how child support is to be calculated. Judges just make sure that the law is obeyed.

You believe that judges have to obey the law??? Please...................well...I must admit, that's my chuckle for the day. Judges can actually use what's called "discretion" when they do not feel like obeying the law, and they can get away with an awful lot.

Well heck then I should start filing more lawsuits!

What was I thinking, expecting the Courts to be upholding the law?

Yeah thats the way it should work but I have no faith in the current Childsupport system or the courts enforceing them.

That I can understand. The only way to be sure is to ask your lawyer. Of course if you don't have one on retainer, it may not be worth the expense, since as I said the ex could simply respond by saying "okay then you don't get to see the kids".

It is nice that she's letting you see them so much. Though of course there's probably an ulterior motive (like she still collects your support but doesn't have to pay for child care). Isn't there always?

Oftentimes, just to keep their place open in daycare, childrens' daycare bills still have to be paid, even if they are not there. There may not be any ulterior motive, BMIC.