FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Researchers who have been studying the recent outbreak of a deadly strain of Swine Influenza have found a simple and promising solution to harden the body's defenses: eating copious amounts of bacon. Early experimental results have shown a slight but negative correlation between an individual's bacon consumption and likelihood of becoming infected.

Initial recommendations suggest that the ideal amount of delicious bacon an individual should consume for maximum protection is somewhere between two and four times their body weight each week. The researchers have yet to address whether it is better to cook the bacon "floppy" or "crispy"; at this point we are advising individuals to consume equal amounts of both types of delicious bacon.

The health benefits of eating bacon are clear. Initial reports confirm that persons consuming even the smallest recommended amount of bacon per week--just under thirty pounds per day--enjoy a 12% decrease in susceptibility to the deadly "swine flu." The research suggests that an individual should consume the full dose of sixty to one-hundred twenty pounds of bacon per day to enjoy the full 36% decrease of risks associated with Swine Influenza.

Initial studies also urge those adhering to the "bacon for health" diet to avoid Vitamin C, rest and exercise while following the new health regime.

This message paid for by the National Meat Association.

I love how the medical community has not bothered to diagnose persons who have been ill for a month with the flu--nope, they just look at you and tell you oh--you have sinus drainage--opps, you have pnuemonia..

WHAT?! omg tx!


oh, and I guess I won't be catching it then

Yup, the beginning of this month I felt awful. I just kept going until I was so ill my family made me go. I finally go to the doctor's office, and the nurse's asst. takes my temp & says, "98.3 is normal". I looked at her and said, I'm taking so much ibuprofen I should buy stock & my temp is 97 at best. And as I hack up glop from my lungs, she says its allergies...then she listened to my chest & ran to get the doc..then suddenly--I'm not lying..so 3 weeks later, my left lung still gets really tired...but no one asked me any questions..or took a culture..that way the doctors can truthfully say--"WE HAVE NO SYMPTOMS IN H-TOWN.."

sounds like you need a new doctor!

any better now?

I hear so many jokes about the swine flu that I sincerely do not know if anyone actually has it around here. Other than self-diagnosis, I mean.