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When we hit this part of the football season, two words become part of the vocabulary of every talking head in TV sports.
Quarterback controversy.
You don't see it much at the high school level, though it does happen occasionally. But once you hit college, coaches start breaking into Janet Jackson mode.
“What have you done for me lately?”
This is wild, I swear.
It's happened at Maryland, where C.J. Brown unseated Danny O'Brien, who was the second coming of Boomer Esiason last year.
Now he's the second coming of Jim Sandwisch.
It gets worse when you move to the pros.
In Washington, there's John Beck taking over for Rex Grossman. Christian Ponder sent Donovan McNabb to the bench — again — in Minnesota. Tim Tebow has bumped Kyle Orton from the starting spot in Denver.
It's not only a controversy when you're talking about quarterbacks, either. Back in my playing days, I was once involved in a right guard controversy.
The guys on my team thought it would be funny to take the deodorant out of my locker before we went on a road trip. After 15 minutes on the bus, they decided to give back the deodorant.
I had come out on top in the right guard controversy.
Luckily in my line of work, I don't have to deal with such things. Until now.
The Herald-Mail's sports hack-in-chief informed me that he's considering benching me because “your record has been suffering lately.”
And doing what? Replacing me with one of you yuk-a-pucks?
Look, I'm still hitting on more than 70 percent of my picks, and nobody has the kind of intangibles that I bring to the table.
You can have my sharp wit or those dim wits.
You can have a well-rounded guy like me — literally — or a group of guys that resemble binary code when they stand side by side. Keller, Mason, Parasiliti, Koelble and Kauffman — 01010.
They probably won't even get that.
Quarterback controversy.
You don't see it much at the high school level, though it does happen occasionally. But once you hit college, coaches start breaking into Janet Jackson mode.
“What have you done for me lately?”
This is wild, I swear.
It's happened at Maryland, where C.J. Brown unseated Danny O'Brien, who was the second coming of Boomer Esiason last year.
Now he's the second coming of Jim Sandwisch.
It gets worse when you move to the pros.
In Washington, there's John Beck taking over for Rex Grossman. Christian Ponder sent Donovan McNabb to the bench — again — in Minnesota. Tim Tebow has bumped Kyle Orton from the starting spot in Denver.
It's not only a controversy when you're talking about quarterbacks, either. Back in my playing days, I was once involved in a right guard controversy.
The guys on my team thought it would be funny to take the deodorant out of my locker before we went on a road trip. After 15 minutes on the bus, they decided to give back the deodorant.
I had come out on top in the right guard controversy.
Luckily in my line of work, I don't have to deal with such things. Until now.
The Herald-Mail's sports hack-in-chief informed me that he's considering benching me because “your record has been suffering lately.”
And doing what? Replacing me with one of you yuk-a-pucks?
Look, I'm still hitting on more than 70 percent of my picks, and nobody has the kind of intangibles that I bring to the table.
You can have my sharp wit or those dim wits.
You can have a well-rounded guy like me — literally — or a group of guys that resemble binary code when they stand side by side. Keller, Mason, Parasiliti, Koelble and Kauffman — 01010.
They probably won't even get that.
