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Herald-Mail football prognosticator Big Sydney (September 5, 2012) |
My mom used to tell me that I had a face that could stop traffic.
She was being nice. I thought it was because I was good looking, but when I was a kid, a motorist got a look at me and started a pileup on Dual Highway.
Things have changed over the years. First, I don’t go around the Dual much anymore.
But now, I’m in demand. After all these years as one of the top prognosticators, I’ve been asked to make cameo appearances on some of the new fall television schedule.
I can strike the pose as well as anyone else. The thing that amazed me about auditioning for any of these roles was the fact that all the casting couches now come equipped with heavy-duty shock absorbers. It was just like my streamlined recliner in my Youdaman cave.
But with all my offseason work, you may see me on a TV near you ... just make sure it’s a wide screen.
And no, I’m not going to be on one of those lame NFL pregame shows. I’m an ar-teest.
The first two are pretty much gimmes. There was no way they were going to keep me off.
How could I be left off of Minute To Win It, especially with my skill in the two-minute offense and my prognostication procrastination for leaving this weekly column go until the last minute before filing at The Herald-Mail.
Those sports guys just don’t know how to handle stars.
Then I’m an automatic for the celebrity version of So You Think You Can Dance? All they had to see was my new touchdown celebration dance — a combination Moonwalk with the Worm and the Dougie tossed in for good measure.
My moves left everyone standing with their mouths hanging open in amazement. Then I realized it was because I had split my pants.
I reluctantly accepted a guest remodeling stint on Extreme Home Makeover. I swallowed my pride there. As a former football coach, I have problems working for a Ty.
And I’m going have a guest spot as the bodyguard for that rude doctor in the Fox series. That’s because “We must protect this House.”
I really found a home, though, with my last choice.
I’m really looking forward to working on Jersey Shore.
After all, how could I go wrong with a show about selling football shirts on the beach with a girl named after the drummer from the Banana Splits and a guy called the Syduation?
On with the predictions. Last week 14-6 (.700); Season 28-11 ( .718).
HIGH SCHOOLS
She was being nice. I thought it was because I was good looking, but when I was a kid, a motorist got a look at me and started a pileup on Dual Highway.
Things have changed over the years. First, I don’t go around the Dual much anymore.
But now, I’m in demand. After all these years as one of the top prognosticators, I’ve been asked to make cameo appearances on some of the new fall television schedule.
I can strike the pose as well as anyone else. The thing that amazed me about auditioning for any of these roles was the fact that all the casting couches now come equipped with heavy-duty shock absorbers. It was just like my streamlined recliner in my Youdaman cave.
But with all my offseason work, you may see me on a TV near you ... just make sure it’s a wide screen.
And no, I’m not going to be on one of those lame NFL pregame shows. I’m an ar-teest.
The first two are pretty much gimmes. There was no way they were going to keep me off.
How could I be left off of Minute To Win It, especially with my skill in the two-minute offense and my prognostication procrastination for leaving this weekly column go until the last minute before filing at The Herald-Mail.
Those sports guys just don’t know how to handle stars.
Then I’m an automatic for the celebrity version of So You Think You Can Dance? All they had to see was my new touchdown celebration dance — a combination Moonwalk with the Worm and the Dougie tossed in for good measure.
My moves left everyone standing with their mouths hanging open in amazement. Then I realized it was because I had split my pants.
I reluctantly accepted a guest remodeling stint on Extreme Home Makeover. I swallowed my pride there. As a former football coach, I have problems working for a Ty.
And I’m going have a guest spot as the bodyguard for that rude doctor in the Fox series. That’s because “We must protect this House.”
I really found a home, though, with my last choice.
I’m really looking forward to working on Jersey Shore.
After all, how could I go wrong with a show about selling football shirts on the beach with a girl named after the drummer from the Banana Splits and a guy called the Syduation?
On with the predictions. Last week 14-6 (.700); Season 28-11 ( .718).
HIGH SCHOOLS
